{"id":337,"date":"2015-09-03T18:19:17","date_gmt":"2015-09-03T18:19:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/courses.candelalearning.com\/introductiontocommunication1xmaster\/?post_type=chapter&p=337"},"modified":"2015-09-03T18:19:33","modified_gmt":"2015-09-03T18:19:33","slug":"challenge-explaining","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/alamo-introductiontocommunication-1\/chapter\/challenge-explaining\/","title":{"raw":"Communication Challenge: Explaining","rendered":"Communication Challenge: Explaining"},"content":{"raw":"First exercise for Challenge 2: Explaining the kind of conversation you want to have. <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0With your practice partner, try starting each of the conversations on the list. Note which feel easy to start and which feel more challenging. Begin with: \u201cRight now I\u2019d like to\u2026\u201d <\/strong>or \u201cI\u2019d like to take about 1\/5\/30 minutes and\u2026\u201d<\/strong>\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\r\n

AN EXPLORATORY LIST\r\nOF FULFILLING CONVERSATIONAL INTENTIONS\r\n\u201cRight now I\u2019d like to take about 5 minutes and\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\r\n<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n

1.<\/td>\r\n\u2026tell you about my experiences\/feelings\u2026\r\n\u2026that involve no implied requests or\r\ncomplaints toward you\r\nOR\r\n\u2026so that you will understand the request, offer,\r\ncomplaint, etc., I want to make<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
2.<\/td>\r\n\u2026hear what\u2019s happening with you.\r\n(More specific: \u2026hear how you are doing with [topic]\u2026)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
3.<\/td>\r\n\u2026entertain you with a story.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
4.<\/td>\r\n\u2026explore some possibilities concerning \u2026\r\n(requiring your empathy but not your advice or permission)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
5.<\/td>\r\n\u2026plan a course of action for myself (with your help or\r\nwith you as listener\/witness only)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
6.<\/td>\r\n\u2026coordinate\/plan our actions together concerning\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
7.<\/td>\r\n\u2026express my affection for you (or appreciation of you concerning\u2026)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
8.<\/td>\r\n\u2026express support for you as you cope with a difficult situation.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
9.<\/td>\r\n\u2026complain\/make a request about something you have done (or said)\u00a0 (for better resolution of conflicts, translate complaints into requests)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
10.<\/td>\r\n\u2026confirm my understanding of the experience or position you just shared. (this usually continues with \u201cI hear that you\u2026,\u201d \u201cSounds like you\u2026,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cSo you\u2019re feeling kinda\u2026,\u201d or \u201cLet me see if I understand you\u2026\u201d)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
11.<\/td>\r\n\u2026resolve a conflict that I have with you about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
12.<\/td>\r\n\u2026negotiate or bargain with you about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
13.<\/td>\r\n\u2026work with you to reach a decision about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
14.<\/td>\r\n\u2026give you permission or consent to\u2026\/\u2026get your permission or consent to\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
15.<\/td>\r\n\u2026give you some information about \u2026\/\u2026get some information from you about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
16.<\/td>\r\n\u2026give you some advice about \u2026\/\u2026get some advice from you about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
17.<\/td>\r\n\u2026give you directions, orders or work assignments\u2026\u00a0\/ get directions or orders from you<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
18.<\/td>\r\n\u2026make a request of you (for action, time, information,\u00a0object, money, promise, etc.)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
19.<\/td>\r\n\u2026consent to (or refuse) a request you have made to me.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
20.<\/td>\r\n\u2026make an offer to you (for action, information, object, promise, etc.)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
21.<\/td>\r\n\u2026accept or decline an offer you have made to me.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
22.<\/td>\r\n\u2026persuade or motivate you to adopt (a particular) point of view.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
23.<\/td>\r\n\u2026persuade or motivate you to choose (a particular) course of action.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
24.<\/td>\r\n\u2026forgive you for\u2026 \/ ask for your forgiveness concerning\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
25.<\/td>\r\n\u2026make an apology to you about\u2026 \/ request an apology from you about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
26.<\/td>\r\n\u2026offer an interpretation of\u2026 (what \u2026 means to me)\r\n\/ ask for your interpretation of\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
27.<\/td>\r\n\u2026offer an evaluation of\u2026 (how good or bad I think \u2026 is)\r\n\/ ask for your evaluation of\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
28.<\/td>\r\n\u2026change the subject of the conversation and talk about\u2026<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
29.<\/td>\r\n\u2026have some time to think things over.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
30.<\/td>\r\n\u2026leave\/end this conversation so that I can\u2026_______________________________________________<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n \r\n\r\nSecond exercise for Challenge 2: Exploring conversational intentions that create problems. <\/strong>(to be explored with as much privacy as you need, or with a therapist) To what degree do you find yourself relying on these kinds of conversations to influence the people in your life? What possibilities do you see for change? To what degree are you or were you an unwilling participant in such conversations? What possibilities do you see for change as you become more aware of conversational intentions?\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\r\n<\/strong>AN EXPLORATORY LIST OF UN-FULFILLING CONVERSATIONAL INTENTIONS (These conversational intentions and related actions are unfulfilling, at the very least, because we would not like someone to do these things to us . And when we do any of these things, we teach and encourage others to do them to us and\/or to avoid contact with us.)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
1.<\/td>\r\nTo lie, deceive or mislead (sometimes partly redeemed by\r\ngood overall intentions, but usually not)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
2.<\/td>\r\nTo threaten<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
3.<\/td>\r\nTo hurt or abuse<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
4.<\/td>\r\nTo punish (creates resentment, avoidance and desire for revenge)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
5.<\/td>\r\nTo blame (focuses on past instead of present and future)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
6.<\/td>\r\nTo control or coerce (force, influence someone against their will and consent)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
7.<\/td>\r\nTo manipulate (to influence someone without his or her\r\nknowledge and consent)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
8.<\/td>\r\nTo demean, humiliate or shame\u2026\r\n\u2026to try to make someone look bad in eyes of others\u00a0OR\r\n\u2026to try to make people doubt themselves or feel bad about themselves<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
9.<\/td>\r\n\u201cStonewalling:\u201d To deny the existence of a problem in the face of strong evidence and sincere appeals from others<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
10.<\/td>\r\nTo hide what is important to me from you (if you are an important person in my life)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
11.<\/td>\r\nTo suppress or invalidate someone\u2019s emotional response to a given event or situation (as in \u201cDon\u2019t cry!\u201d, or the even more coercive \u201cYou stop crying or I\u2019ll really <\/em>give you something to cry about!\u201d)<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n
12.<\/td>\r\nTo withdraw from interaction in order to avoid the consequences of something I have done.________________________________________________<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n ","rendered":"

First exercise for Challenge 2: Explaining the kind of conversation you want to have. <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0With your practice partner, try starting each of the conversations on the list. Note which feel easy to start and which feel more challenging. Begin with: \u201cRight now I\u2019d like to\u2026\u201d <\/strong>or \u201cI\u2019d like to take about 1\/5\/30 minutes and\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n

AN EXPLORATORY LIST
\nOF FULFILLING CONVERSATIONAL INTENTIONS
\n\u201cRight now I\u2019d like to take about 5 minutes and\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

1.<\/td>\n\u2026tell you about my experiences\/feelings\u2026
\n\u2026that involve no implied requests or
\ncomplaints toward you
\nOR
\n\u2026so that you will understand the request, offer,
\ncomplaint, etc., I want to make<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
2.<\/td>\n\u2026hear what\u2019s happening with you.
\n(More specific: \u2026hear how you are doing with [topic]\u2026)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
3.<\/td>\n\u2026entertain you with a story.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
4.<\/td>\n\u2026explore some possibilities concerning \u2026
\n(requiring your empathy but not your advice or permission)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
5.<\/td>\n\u2026plan a course of action for myself (with your help or
\nwith you as listener\/witness only)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
6.<\/td>\n\u2026coordinate\/plan our actions together concerning\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
7.<\/td>\n\u2026express my affection for you (or appreciation of you concerning\u2026)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
8.<\/td>\n\u2026express support for you as you cope with a difficult situation.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
9.<\/td>\n\u2026complain\/make a request about something you have done (or said)\u00a0 (for better resolution of conflicts, translate complaints into requests)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
10.<\/td>\n\u2026confirm my understanding of the experience or position you just shared. (this usually continues with \u201cI hear that you\u2026,\u201d \u201cSounds like you\u2026,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cSo you\u2019re feeling kinda\u2026,\u201d or \u201cLet me see if I understand you\u2026\u201d)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
11.<\/td>\n\u2026resolve a conflict that I have with you about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
12.<\/td>\n\u2026negotiate or bargain with you about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
13.<\/td>\n\u2026work with you to reach a decision about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
14.<\/td>\n\u2026give you permission or consent to\u2026\/\u2026get your permission or consent to\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
15.<\/td>\n\u2026give you some information about \u2026\/\u2026get some information from you about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
16.<\/td>\n\u2026give you some advice about \u2026\/\u2026get some advice from you about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
17.<\/td>\n\u2026give you directions, orders or work assignments\u2026\u00a0\/ get directions or orders from you<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
18.<\/td>\n\u2026make a request of you (for action, time, information,\u00a0object, money, promise, etc.)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
19.<\/td>\n\u2026consent to (or refuse) a request you have made to me.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
20.<\/td>\n\u2026make an offer to you (for action, information, object, promise, etc.)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
21.<\/td>\n\u2026accept or decline an offer you have made to me.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
22.<\/td>\n\u2026persuade or motivate you to adopt (a particular) point of view.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
23.<\/td>\n\u2026persuade or motivate you to choose (a particular) course of action.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
24.<\/td>\n\u2026forgive you for\u2026 \/ ask for your forgiveness concerning\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
25.<\/td>\n\u2026make an apology to you about\u2026 \/ request an apology from you about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
26.<\/td>\n\u2026offer an interpretation of\u2026 (what \u2026 means to me)
\n\/ ask for your interpretation of\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
27.<\/td>\n\u2026offer an evaluation of\u2026 (how good or bad I think \u2026 is)
\n\/ ask for your evaluation of\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
28.<\/td>\n\u2026change the subject of the conversation and talk about\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
29.<\/td>\n\u2026have some time to think things over.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
30.<\/td>\n\u2026leave\/end this conversation so that I can\u2026_______________________________________________<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/p>\n

Second exercise for Challenge 2: Exploring conversational intentions that create problems. <\/strong>(to be explored with as much privacy as you need, or with a therapist) To what degree do you find yourself relying on these kinds of conversations to influence the people in your life? What possibilities do you see for change? To what degree are you or were you an unwilling participant in such conversations? What possibilities do you see for change as you become more aware of conversational intentions?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\n<\/strong>AN EXPLORATORY LIST OF UN-FULFILLING CONVERSATIONAL INTENTIONS (These conversational intentions and related actions are unfulfilling, at the very least, because we would not like someone to do these things to us . And when we do any of these things, we teach and encourage others to do them to us and\/or to avoid contact with us.)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
1.<\/td>\nTo lie, deceive or mislead (sometimes partly redeemed by
\ngood overall intentions, but usually not)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
2.<\/td>\nTo threaten<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
3.<\/td>\nTo hurt or abuse<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
4.<\/td>\nTo punish (creates resentment, avoidance and desire for revenge)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
5.<\/td>\nTo blame (focuses on past instead of present and future)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
6.<\/td>\nTo control or coerce (force, influence someone against their will and consent)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
7.<\/td>\nTo manipulate (to influence someone without his or her
\nknowledge and consent)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
8.<\/td>\nTo demean, humiliate or shame\u2026
\n\u2026to try to make someone look bad in eyes of others\u00a0OR
\n\u2026to try to make people doubt themselves or feel bad about themselves<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
9.<\/td>\n\u201cStonewalling:\u201d To deny the existence of a problem in the face of strong evidence and sincere appeals from others<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
10.<\/td>\nTo hide what is important to me from you (if you are an important person in my life)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
11.<\/td>\nTo suppress or invalidate someone\u2019s emotional response to a given event or situation (as in \u201cDon\u2019t cry!\u201d, or the even more coercive \u201cYou stop crying or I\u2019ll really <\/em>give you something to cry about!\u201d)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
12.<\/td>\nTo withdraw from interaction in order to avoid the consequences of something I have done.________________________________________________<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\t\t\t

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Candela Citations<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t
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CC licensed content, Shared previously<\/div>