To: Johnny Nelson
From: Jack Johnson
Title: Ode to Winter
Peer Review Evaluation Comments
You used the word run three times. Are their other synonyms you can use instead? Also, delete the words very and really. They are unnecessary and they distract from the words that follow them. The words that follow them create a stronger image without very and really.
You have one line that is much longer than the others in the poem. Consider putting a line break in before the word and, which will make it two lines. You also have one line that has only one word. I’m not sure if that works. You might ask the instructor about that.
You incorrectly used a semi-colon. A semi-colon should separate two, short sentences that are related in content to one another. Also, follow the rules of how commas are used. You seem to randomly add commas after every line. Some should be periods. Some don’t need punctuation at all. Read your poem aloud. That might help you determine where you need punctuation pauses and/or line breaks.
Consider breaking this poem into two stanzas. There’s a natural break in it. The first half is about what you like about winter. The second half is about the what you don’t like. I also recommend that you write a final statement that is a separate stanza as well. Maybe it could be something about how you reconcile what you like and what you don’t like about winters.
I like the title “Ode to Winter.” I also like your similes, especially that winter is like an amusement park: skiing, sledding, snowshoeing. It also has strong alliteration with the “s” sound. I like the simile that winter is like a roaring lion, a wicked wind. Again, you used alliteration with the “w” sound.