{"id":111,"date":"2014-08-25T03:19:34","date_gmt":"2014-08-25T03:19:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/courses.candelalearning.com\/collegesuccess1x1\/?post_type=chapter&#038;p=111"},"modified":"2015-06-19T01:52:56","modified_gmt":"2015-06-19T01:52:56","slug":"9-1-getting-along-with-others","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/chapter\/9-1-getting-along-with-others\/","title":{"raw":"Getting Along with Others","rendered":"Getting Along with Others"},"content":{"raw":"<div class=\"im_section\">\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_n01\" class=\"im_learning_objectives im_editable im_block\">\r\n<h3 class=\"im_title\"><\/h3>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-highlight\">\r\n<h3>LEARNING OBJECTIVES<\/h3>\r\nBy the end of this section, you will be able to:\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>Explain the benefits of social interactions with a variety of people in the college environment.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>List personal characteristics and skills that contribute to one\u2019s ability to get along well with others.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Improve your communication skills.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Use online social networking beneficially.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Balance your social life with your schoolwork.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Describe how to successfully resolve a conflict with another person.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div class=\"im_section\"><\/div>\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Interdependence<\/h2>\r\nHumans are social creatures\u2014it\u2019s simply in our nature. We continually interact with other students and instructors, and we can learn a great deal from these interactions that heighten the learning process. This frequent interaction with others forms a state of interdependence. College students depend on their instructors, but just as importantly, they depend on other students in many ways.\r\n\r\nAs important as our interactions with others are, we do not automatically possess the skills that help us form good relationships and make the most of our experiences. Consider how these two college students are different:\r\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\">\r\n\r\nJohn often arrives just as class is beginning and leaves immediately afterward. He makes little effort to talk with other students in the classroom, and after class he goes off to study alone or to his part-time job, where he spends most of his time at a computer screen. He is diligent in his studies and generally does well. After two months, he has not gotten to know his roommate very well, and he generally eats alone with a book in hand. He stops by to see his instructors in their offices only if he missed a class due to illness, and on weekends and holidays he often hangs out at his parents\u2019 house or sees old friends.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\">\r\n\r\nKim likes to get to class early and sits near others so they can talk about the reading for class or compare notes about assignments. She enjoys running into other students she knows from her classes and usually stops to chat. Although she is an older working student who lives alone off campus, she often dines in a campus caf\u00e9 and asks students she meets in her classes to join her. After two months, with the approach of midterms, she formed a study group with a couple other students. If she feels she doesn\u2019t understand an important lecture topic very well, she gets to her instructor\u2019s office a few minutes ahead of office hours to avoid missing out by having to wait in line. A few weeks into the term, she spent a weekend with a student from another country and learned much about a culture about which she had previously known little.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\nThese students are very different. Which do you think is more fully enjoying the college experience? Which do you think is more likely to do well academically? Most of us fall somewhere between these two extremes, but we can learn to be more like Kim and more actively engage with others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s02\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Recognize the Value of Social Interaction<\/h2>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe.jpg\"><img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-797\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"cafe full of people\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a>Building good relationships is important for happiness and a successful college experience. College offers the opportunity to meet many people you would likely not meet otherwise in life. Make the most of this opportunity to gain a number of benefits:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>A growing understanding of diverse other people, how they think, and what they feel that will serve you well throughout your life and in your future career<\/li>\r\n\t<li>A heightened sense of your own identity, especially as you interact with others with different personalities and from different backgrounds<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Emotional comfort from friendship with someone who understands you and with whom you can talk about your problems, joys, hopes, and fears<\/li>\r\n\t<li>An opportunity to grow with wider intellectual and emotional horizons<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nCollege often offers an opportunity to be stimulated and excited by new relationships and interactions with people who will challenge your thinking and help you become your best. Still, it can be difficult to get started with new relationships in college.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s03\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Making New Friends<\/h2>\r\nSome people just make friends naturally, but many first-year college students are more shy or quiet and may need to actively seek new friends. Here are some starting points:\r\n<ol id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s03_l01\" class=\"im_orderedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep all doors open for meeting new people.<\/strong> If you live in a dorm, literally keep the door open. Try to sit with different people at meals so you can get to know them better. Study in a common area or lounge where you\u2019ll be among others.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be open in your interests.<\/strong> Don\u2019t limit yourself to people who share only certain interests. Meeting people by studying together is an excellent way to get to know people with different interests.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Don\u2019t try to get involved in everything going on around you.<\/strong> Committing to too many activities or joining too many social groups will spread your time too thin, and you may not spend enough time with anyone to get to know them.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Let others see who you really are.<\/strong> Let people get to know the things you\u2019re interested in, your real passions. People who really know you are more likely to become good friends.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Make an effort to get to know others, too.<\/strong> Show some interest. Don\u2019t talk just about <em class=\"im_emphasis\">your<\/em> interests\u2014ask them about theirs. Show others that you\u2019re interested, that you think they\u2019re worth spending time with, and that you really do want to get to know them.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Once a friendship has started, be a good friend.<\/strong> Respect your friends for what they are and don\u2019t criticize them or talk about them behind their back. Give emotional support when your friends need it and accept their support as well when you need it.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s03_n01\" class=\"im_callout im_editable im_block\">\r\n<h3 class=\"im_title\">Are You Shy?<\/h3>\r\nIf you\u2019re shy, try meeting and talking to people in situations where you can interact one-to-one, such as talking with another student after class. Start with what you have in common\u2014\u201cHow\u2019d you do on the test?\u201d\u2014and let the conversation grow from there. Avoid the emotional trap of thinking everyone but you is making new friends and start some conversations with others who look interesting to you. You\u2019ll soon find other \u201cshy\u201d or quiet people eager to interact with you as well and get to know you.\r\n\r\nShy people may be more likely to feel lonely at times, especially while still feeling new at college. Loneliness is usually a temporary emotional state, however. For tips for how to overcome feelings of loneliness, see the section on loneliness in Chapter 10 \"Taking Control of Your Health\", Section 10.6 \"Emotional Health and Happiness\".\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Communication Skills<\/h2>\r\nCommunication is at the core of almost all social interactions, including those involved in friendships and relationships with your instructors. Communication with others has a huge effect on our lives, what we think and feel, and what and how we learn. Communication is, many would say, what makes us human.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-798\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Conversation on steps\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a>Oral communication involves not only speech and listening, of course, but also <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">nonverbal communication<\/span><\/span>: facial expressions, tone of voice, and many other <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">body language<\/span><\/span> signals that affect the messages sent and received. Many experts think that people pay more attention, often unconsciously, to <em class=\"im_emphasis\">how<\/em> people say something than to <em class=\"im_emphasis\">what<\/em> they are saying. When the nonverbal message is inconsistent with the verbal (spoken) message, just as when the verbal message itself is unclear because of poorly chosen words or vague explanations, then miscommunication may occur.\r\n\r\nMiscommunication is at the root of many misunderstandings among people and makes it difficult to build relationships.\r\n\r\nChapter 7 \"Interacting with Instructors and Classes\" discusses oral communication skills in general and guidelines for communicating well with your instructors. The same communication skills are important for building and maintaining significant relationships.\r\n\r\nRemember that communication is a two-way process. Listening skills are critical for most college students simply because many of us may not have learned how to really listen to another person. Here are some guidelines for how to listen effectively:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Talk less to listen more.<\/strong> Most people naturally like to share their thoughts and feelings, and some people almost seem unable to stop talking long enough to ever listen to another person. Try this: next time you\u2019re in a conversation with another student, deliberately try not to speak very much but give the other person a chance to speak fully. You may notice a big difference in how much you gain from the conversation.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Ask questions.<\/strong> To keep the conversational ball rolling, show your interest in the other person by asking them about things they are saying. This helps the other person feel that you are interested in them and helps build the relationship.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Watch and respond to the other person\u2019s body language.<\/strong> You\u2019ll learn much more about their feelings for what they\u2019re saying than if you listen only to their words.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Show the other person that you\u2019re really listening and that you care.<\/strong> Make eye contact and respond appropriately with nods and brief comments like \u201cThat\u2019s interesting!\u201d or \u201cI know what you mean\u201d or \u201cReally?\u201d Be friendly, smile when appropriate, and encourage the person to keep speaking.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Give the other person<\/strong> <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">feedback<\/span><\/span><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">.<\/strong> Show you understand by saying things like \u201cSo you\u2019re saying that\u2026\u201d or asking a question that demonstrates you\u2019ve been following what they\u2019re saying and want to know more.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nAs you learn to improve your listening skills, think also about what you are saying yourself and how. Here are additional guidelines for effective speaking:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l02\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be honest, but don\u2019t be critical<\/strong>. Strongly disagreeing may only put the other person on the defensive\u2014an emotion sure to disrupt the hope for good communication. You can disagree, but be respectful to keep the conversation from becoming emotional. Say \u201cI don\u2019t know, I think that maybe it\u2019s\u2026\u201d instead of \u201cThat\u2019s crazy! What\u2019s <em class=\"im_emphasis\">really<\/em> going on is.\u2026\u201d<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Look for common ground.<\/strong> Make sure that your side of a conversation relates to what the other person is saying and that it focuses on what you have in common. There\u2019s almost no better way to stop a conversation dead in its tracks than to ignore everything the other person has just said and launch into an unrelated story or idea of your own.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Avoid sarcasm and irony unless you know the person well.<\/strong> Sarcasm is easily misunderstood and may be interpreted as an attack on the other person\u2019s ideas or statements.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Don\u2019t try to talk like the other person,<\/strong> especially if the person is from a different ethnic or cultural background or speaks with an accent or heavy slang. The other person will feel that you are imitating them and maybe even making fun of them. Be yourself and speak naturally.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">While not imitating the other person, relate to his or her personality and style of thinking.<\/strong> We do not speak to our parents or instructors the exact same way we speak to our closest friends, nor should we speak to someone we\u2019ve just met the same way. Show your respect for the other person by keeping the conversation on an appropriate level.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Remember that<\/strong> <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">assertive communication<\/span><\/span> <strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">is better than passive or aggressive communication.<\/strong> \u201cAssertive\u201d in this context means you are honest and direct in stating your ideas and thoughts; you are confident and clear and willing to discuss your ideas while still respecting the thoughts and ideas of others. A passive communicator is reluctant to speak up, seems to agree with everything others say, hesitates to say anything that others might disagree with, and therefore seldom communicates much at all. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Passive communication<\/span><\/span> simply is not a real exchange in communication. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Aggressive communication<\/span><\/span>, at the other extreme, is often highly critical of the thoughts and ideas of others. This communication style may be sarcastic, emotional, and even insulting. Real communication is not occurring because others are not prompted to respond honestly and openly.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Choose your conversations wisely.<\/strong> Recognize that you don\u2019t have to engage in all conversations. Make it your goal to form relationships and engage in interactions that help you learn and grow as a person. College life offers plenty of opportunities for making relationships and interacting with others if you keep open to them, so you needn\u2019t try to participate in every social situation around you.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nSome students may have difficulty in the opposite direction: their social lives may become so rich or so time consuming that they have problems balancing their social lives with their schoolwork. Online social media, for example, may eat up a lot of time.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s05\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Online Social Networking<\/h2>\r\nMost college students know all about Facebook, Twitter, blogging, chat rooms, and other <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">social networking<\/span><\/span> sites. Current studies reveal that over 90 percent of all college students use Facebook or MySpace regularly, although older students use these sites less commonly. The media have often emphasized negative stories involving safety concerns, obsessive behavior, a perceived superficiality of social interaction online, and so on. But more recently, online social networking has been found to have several benefits. Many of those who once criticized Facebook and MySpace are now regularly networking among themselves via LinkedIn, Plaxo, and other \u201cprofessional\u201d networking sites.\r\n\r\nFollowing are some of the benefits of Facebook\u2014some clear to those using it, others revealed only recently by research in the social sciences:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s05_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Facebook and other forms of online networking makes it easy to stay in touch with friends and family at a geographical distance. College students who have moved away from former friends seem to make the transition more easily when they stay in touch. Maintaining past relationships does not prevent most people from making new friends at college.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Facebook provides users with increased \u201csocial capital,\u201d which is a sum of resources gained through one\u2019s relationships with people. Facebook users gain information, opportunities for participation in activities and groups, greater knowledge about others, some interaction skills, and so forth. Social capital is also associated with self-esteem, success in some endeavors, and general happiness.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Facebook makes it easier for people who are shy or otherwise slow to initiate or respond to interactions with others to participate socially in a group. Online network sites also offer an outlet for self-expression and sharing.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>For many college students, interactions on Facebook strengthen personal relationships rather than detracting from them.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Acknowledging that online social networking is a reality for most college students, many college administrators and instructors also use it to stay in better touch with students, to provide information and encouragement, and to help students experience the full richness of the college experience. Your college may have a Facebook page where you can learn much about things happening around campus, and you may even receive tweets about important announcements.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s05_f01\" class=\"im_figure im_large im_medium-height im_editable im_block\">\r\n\r\n<span class=\"im_title-prefix\">Figure 9.3<\/span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/textimgs.s3.amazonaws.com\/colsuc\/section_12\/24ddd8fc65446bed3b1e5c3fb786c6b5.jpg\" target=\"_blank\"><img src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2014\/08\/sm_24ddd8fc65446bed3b1e5c3fb786c6b5.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\nStill, online social networking is not 100 percent beneficial for all college students. Someone who becomes obsessed with constantly updating their profile or attracting a huge number of friends can spend so much time at their computer that they miss out on other important aspects of college life. Hopefully by now everyone knows why you should never post compromising or inappropriate photos or information about yourself anywhere online, even as a joke: many employers, college admissions offices, and others may find this compromising material in the future and deny you the job, internship, graduate program, or other position that you want. It\u2019s important also to protect your identity and privacy on online sites.\r\n\r\nOverall, online networking in moderation can help enrich one\u2019s life. When used to build relationships, gain information, and stay in touch with a larger community, it can contribute to success in college. Most college students use Facebook ten to thirty minutes a day. If you\u2019re spending more than that, you might ask yourself if you\u2019re missing out on something else.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s06\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Balancing Schoolwork and Social Life<\/h2>\r\nIf there\u2019s one thing true of virtually all college students, it\u2019s that you don\u2019t have enough time to do everything you want. Once you\u2019ve developed friendships within the college community and have an active social life, you may feel you don\u2019t have enough time for your studies and other activities such as work. For many students, the numerous social opportunities of college become a distraction, and with less attention to one\u2019s studies, academic performance can drop. Here are some tips for balancing your social life with your studies:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s06_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep working on your time management skills,<\/strong> as you learned in Chapter 2 \"Staying Motivated, Organized, and On Track\". You can\u2019t just \u201cgo with the flow\u201d and hope that, after spending time with friends, you have enough time (and energy) left over for studying. Make a study schedule that provides enough time for what you need to do. Study first; socialize after.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep working on your study skills,<\/strong> as you learned in Chapter 4 \"Listening, Taking Notes, and Remembering\", Chapter 5 \"Reading to Learn\", and Chapter 6 \"Preparing for and Taking Tests\". When you have only a limited amount of time for studying, be sure you\u2019re using that time as effectively as possible as you read assignments and prepare for class, organize your notes after class, and prepare for tests.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">If you can\u2019t resist temptations, reduce them.<\/strong> If you are easily distracted by the opportunity to talk with your roommate, spouse, or family members because you study where you live, then go to the library to study.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Make studying a social experience.<\/strong> If your studying keeps you so busy that you feel like you don\u2019t have much of a social life, form a study group. You will learn more than you would alone by gaining from the thoughts of others, and you can enjoy interacting with others without falling behind.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep your social life from affecting your studying.<\/strong> Simply scheduling study time doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll use it well. If you stayed up late the night before, you may not today be able to concentrate well as you study for that big test. This is another reason for good time management and scheduling your time well, looking ahead.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Get help if you need it.<\/strong> If you\u2019re still having difficulty balancing your study time with other activities, talk with your academic advisor or a counselor. Maybe something else is keeping you from doing your best. Maybe you need some additional study skills or you need to get some extra help from a tutor or campus study center. Remember, your college wants you to succeed and will try to help those who seek help.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s06_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">A Note on Greek Life<\/h2>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house.jpg\"><img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-800\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house-245x300.jpg\" alt=\"Fraternity House\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a>Fraternities and sororities appeal to many students on many campuses. You meet a lot of people quickly and have a social life provided for you almost automatically, with many events and parties as well as usually an active house life. Many people have formed lasting, even lifelong relationships with their fraternity and sorority friends. On the other hand, this living and social experience may limit the kinds of people you meet and present fewer opportunities to interact with others outside the Greek system. If there are frequent activities, it may be important to learn to say no at time when studying becomes a priority. If you are interested in but not yet committed to this life, it\u2019s worthwhile to find out what the houses at your school are really like, consider what your life would likely be like in a fraternity or sorority, and think about how it may impact your college goals.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Overcoming Difficulties and Resolving Conflicts<\/h2>\r\nConflicts among people who are interacting are natural. People have many differences in opinions, ideas, emotions, and behaviors, and these differences sometimes cause conflicts. Here are just a few examples of conflicts that may occur among college students:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Your roommate is playing loud music in your room, and you need some quiet to study for a test.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>You want to have a nice dinner out, but your spouse wants to save the money to buy new furniture.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your instructor gave you a C on a paper because it lacks some of the required elements, but you feel it deserves a better grade because you think it accomplished more important goals.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Others at your Greek house want to invite only members of other fraternities and sororities to an upcoming party, but you want the party to be more inclusive and to invite more diverse students.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your partner wants to have sex with you, but you want to wait until you get protection.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nSo how can such conflicts be resolved? Two things are necessary for <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">conflict resolution<\/span><\/span> that does not leave one or more of the people involved feeling negative about the outcome: attitude and communication.\r\n\r\nA conflict cannot be resolved satisfactorily unless all people involved have the right attitude:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_l02\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Respect the options and behaviors of others.<\/strong> Accept that people are not all alike and learn to celebrate your differences. Most situations do not involve a single right or wrong answer.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be open minded.<\/strong> Just because at first you are sure that that you are right, do not close the door to other possibilities. Look at the other\u2019s point of view. Be open to change\u2014even when that means accepting constructive criticism.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Calm down.<\/strong> You can\u2019t work together to resolve a conflict while you\u2019re still feeling strong emotions. Agree with the other to wait until you\u2019re both able to discuss it without strong emotions.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Recognize the value of compromise.<\/strong> Even if you disagree after calmly talking over an issue, accept that as a human reality and understand that a compromise may be necessary in order to get along with others.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nWith the right attitude, you can then work together to resolve the issue. This process depends on good communication:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_l03\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Listen.<\/strong> Don\u2019t simply argue for your position, but listen carefully to what the other says. Pay attention to their body language as you try to understand their point of view and ask questions to ensure that you do. Paraphrase what you think you hear to give the other a chance to correct any misunderstanding.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Use \u201cI statements\u201d rather than \u201cyou statements.\u201d<\/strong> Explain your point of view about the situation in a way that does not put the other person on the defensive and evoke emotions that make resolution more difficult. Don\u2019t say, \u201cYou\u2019re always playing loud music when I\u2019m trying to study.\u201d Instead, say, \u201cI have difficulty studying when you play loud music, and that makes me frustrated and irritable.\u201d Don\u2019t blame the other for the problem\u2014that would just get emotions flowing again.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Brainstorm together to find a solution that satisfies both of you.<\/strong> Some compromise is usually needed, but that is usually not difficult to reach when you\u2019re calm and have the right attitude about working together on a solution. In some cases, you may simply have to accept a result that you still do not agree with, simply in order to move on.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nThe process of conflict resolution is discussed more fully in Chapter 10 \"Taking Control of Your Health\". In most cases, when the people involved have a good attitude and are open to compromise, conflicts can be resolved successfully.\r\n\r\nYet sometimes there seems to be no resolution. Sometimes the other person may simply be difficult and refuse to even try to work out a solution. Regrettably, not everyone on or off campus is mature enough to be open to other perspectives. With some interpersonal conflicts, you may simply have to decide not to see that person anymore or find other ways to avoid the conflict in the future. But remember, most conflicts can be solved among adults, and it\u2019s seldom a good solution to run away from a problem that will continue to surface and keep you from being happy with your life.\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Roommate Issues<\/h2>\r\nAt many colleges students just out of high school must live in a campus residence hall. Other students may live in a shared apartment with new roommates. This is the first time many students have had to share a room, suite, or apartment with others who were not family members, and this situation may lead to conflicts and strong feelings that can even affect your academic success.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-801\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm-300x228.jpg\" alt=\"Two women in dorm room\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" \/><\/a>As in other interactions, the keys to forming a good relationship with a roommate are communication and attitude. From the beginning, you should talk about everyone\u2019s expectations of the other(s) and what matters most to you about where you live. Don\u2019t wait until problems happen before talking. It\u2019s often good to begin with the key practical issues: agreeing on quiet hours for study (limiting not only loud music but also visits from others), time for lights out, neatness and cleaning up, things shared and private things not to touch.\r\n\r\nShow respect for the other\u2019s ideas and possessions, respect their privacy, and try to listen more than you talk. Even if your roommate does not become a close friend, you can have a harmonious, successful relationship that makes your residence a good home for both of you. Millions of college students before you have learned to work this out, and if both (or all) of you respect each other and keep communication open and nonconfrontational, you will easily get through the small bumps in the road ahead, too. Follow these guidelines to help ensure you get along well:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s01_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Anticipate problems before they happen.<\/strong> Think about things that you consider essential in your living environment and talk with a new roommate about these essentials now.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Deal with any problem promptly.<\/strong> Don\u2019t wait until a behavior is well established before speaking up, as if the other person will somehow catch on that it aggravates you. It may be as simple as a roommate using your coffee cup or borrowing your toothpaste without asking, but if you say nothing, trying to be polite, the habit may expand to other things.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be patient, flexible, and willing to compromise.<\/strong> It may take a while for each of you to get used to each other and to establish a communication pattern of openness so that you can be honest with each other about what really matters.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be warm, use humor, and be sensitive.<\/strong> Telling someone that they\u2019re doing something bothersome can be very difficult for many people. Think before speaking, looking for the best way to communicate what you feel. Remember, you\u2019ll be spending a lot of time around this person, so do you really want them to think of you as bossy or obsessive-compulsive?<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Get out more.<\/strong> Sometimes it helps to spend more time elsewhere on campus, studying in the library or another quiet place. You just might need a certain amount of time a day alone. That\u2019s fine, but don\u2019t expect your roommate to have to leave just to give you that time alone!<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s02\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">But What If You <em class=\"im_emphasis\">Really<\/em> Have a Roommate Problem?<\/h2>\r\nIn some situations and with some people who will not compromise and do not respect you and your needs, a roommate can be a serious problem. In some circumstances, you may able to move to a different room. Room changes usually are not granted simply because you \u201cdon\u2019t get along,\u201d but certain circumstances may justify a change. The following are some examples:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Your roommate smokes in the room.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate uses illegal drugs, drinks alcohol underage, or conducts other illegal activities in the room.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate repeatedly refuses to limit activities at any hour to allow you to sleep.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate does anything that threatens your physical well-being or safety.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate denies you your rights to practice your religion or other basic rights.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nIf you have a problem like this, first talk with your resident advisor (RA) or other residence hall authority. They will explain the process for a room change, if warranted, or other ways for managing the problem,\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s08\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Dealing with Harassment<\/h2>\r\nAlthough college campuses are for the most part safe, secure, and friendly places where social and intellectual interaction is generally mature and responsible, harassment can occur in any setting. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Harassment<\/span><\/span> is a general term referring to behavior that is intended to disturb or threaten another person in some way, often psychologically. Typically the person or people doing the harassment target their victim because of a difference in race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, sex, age, sexual orientation, or disability.\r\n\r\nActs of harassment may be verbal, physical, psychological, or any other behavior intended to disturb another person. Bullying behavior, name-calling, belittling, gesturing obscenely, stalking, mobbing\u2014any action intended to torment or deliberately make another person uncomfortable or feel humiliated is harassment. Harassment may also be intended to manipulate a targeted person to act in some specific way.\r\n\r\nSexual harassment is a special term referring to persistent, unwanted sexual behaviors or advances. Sexual harassment may begin with words but progress to unwanted touching and potentially even rape. Sexual harassment is discussed in more detail in Chapter 10 \"Taking Control of Your Health\".\r\n\r\nMany types of harassment are illegal. In the workplace, a supervisor who tells off-color sexual jokes around an employee of the opposite gender may be guilty of sexual harassment. Students who deliberately malign members of another race may be guilty of committing a hate crime. Physically tormenting another student in a hazing may be judged assault and battery. Any discrimination in the workplace based on race, religion, age, sex, and so on is illegal. On a college campus, any harassment of a student by a faculty member or college employee is expressly forbidden, unethical, and also possibly illegal.\r\n\r\nHarassment of any type, at any time, of any person, is wrong and unacceptable. You will know it if you are harassed, and you should know also that it is your basic right to be free of harassment and that your college has strict policies against all forms of harassment. Here\u2019s what you should do if you are being harassed:\r\n<ol id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s08_l01\" class=\"im_orderedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Tell the person to stop the behavior\u2014or if you feel at any risk of harm, get out of the situation immediately.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Document the incident, particularly with ongoing harassment. Keep notes of the details. Tell someone you trust about the situation.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Report the harassment to the appropriate college authority. If you are unsure which to go to, go to the dean of students first.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s09\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Changing Family Relationships<\/h2>\r\nThe college years are a time of many changes, including one\u2019s relationships with parents, siblings, and one\u2019s own children and partners. Any time there is change, issues may arise.\r\n\r\nAs in other relationships, try to understand the other\u2019s perspective. Honesty is particularly important\u2014but with tact and understanding. Here are some tips for getting along:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s09_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Understand that your parents may not change their attitudes toward you as quickly as you yourself may be changing. They may still think of you as a younger person in need of their continued guidance. They will worry about you and fear that you might fall in with the wrong crowd or engage in risky behavior. Be patient. Take the time to communicate, and don\u2019t close yourself off. Let them gradually accept you as a more mature person who can make your own decisions wisely.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Stay in touch. You may be busier than ever and feel you haven\u2019t time for a phone call or e-mail, but communication is very important for parents\u2014especially if they are now empty nesters without other children at home. Even if they seem to want too much involvement in your life and to make decisions for you, realize that this at least in part is simply a desire to stay in touch with you\u2014and to feel they still matter in your life.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Use your best listening skills. Understanding what they\u2019re really feeling, which is often simply a concern for you born of their love for you, will usually help you know best to respond.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Be assured that over time your parents and other family members will get used to your being on your own and will accept your ability to make your own decisions. Time itself often solves issues.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>With your own family, now that you are busier than ever with classes and work, you may need to pay special attention to ensuring you stay active in family relationships. Schedule times for family outings and make room in your days for casual interactions. But remember, it\u2019s not how much time you spend together but the quality of that time, so give your family your full attention when you are together.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s09_n01\" class=\"im_key_takeaways im_editable im_block\">\r\n<div id=\"post-355\" class=\"post-355 chapter type-chapter status-publish hentry type-1\">\r\n<div class=\"entry-content\">\r\n<div class=\"im_section\">\r\n<div class=\"im_section\">\r\n<div id=\"mclean-ch03_s01_s02_n01\" class=\"im_key_takeaways im_editable im_block\">\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-success\">\r\n<h3>KEY TAKEAWAYs<\/h3>\r\n<section>\r\n<div data-type=\"note\">\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>A rich, diverse social life is an important dimension of the college experience that contributes also to academic success.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Getting along with others involves communication skills and a willingness to interact with different people in a number of different ways.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Effective listening skills are as important as expressing yourself well verbally and nonverbally.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Online social networking used in moderation can be beneficial.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Balancing one\u2019s social life with schoolwork requires time management skills as well as good study skills.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Because social interactions frequently involve conflicting values, behaviors, or ideas, it\u2019s important to respect others, stay open minded, be open to compromise, and understand how to resolve conflicts.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Acknowledge that family relationships will likely change after you enter college and work to ease the transition for everyone.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/section><\/div>\r\n<h3 class=\"im_title\"><\/h3>\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\r\n<h3>EXERCISES<\/h3>\r\n<ol>\r\n\t<li>List three or four guidelines for interacting successfully with others.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>You are talking after class with another student with whom you\u2019d like to be friends, but you\u2019re distracted by a test you have to study for. If you\u2019re not careful, what nonverbal communication signals might you accidentally send that could make the other person feel you are <em class=\"im_emphasis\">not<\/em> friendly? Describe two or three nonverbal signals that could give the wrong impression.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>What are the best things <em class=\"im_emphasis\">to say<\/em> when you\u2019re actively engaged in <em class=\"im_emphasis\">listening<\/em> to another?<\/li>\r\n\t<li>For each of the following statements about effective communication, circle T for true or F for false:\r\n<div class=\"im_informaltable\">\r\n<table cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>T<\/td>\r\n<td>F<\/td>\r\n<td>Avoid eye contact until you\u2019ve gotten to know the person well enough to be sure they will not misinterpret your interest.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>T<\/td>\r\n<td>F<\/td>\r\n<td>Using the same slang or accent as other people will make them see you respect them as they are.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>T<\/td>\r\n<td>F<\/td>\r\n<td>Communicating your ideas with honesty and confidence is usually more effective than just agreeing with what others are saying.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>T<\/td>\r\n<td>F<\/td>\r\n<td>Communicating with people online is seldom as effective as calling them on the telephone or seeing them in person.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>T<\/td>\r\n<td>F<\/td>\r\n<td>It\u2019s usually best to accept spontaneous opportunities for social interaction, because you\u2019ll always have time later for your studies.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<\/div><\/li>\r\n\t<li>You are upset because your roommate (or a family member) always seems to have several friends over just when you need to study most. Write in the space below what you might say to this person to explain the problem, using \u201cI statements\u201d rather than \u201cyou statements.\u201d<\/li>\r\n\t<li>If another person is acting very emotionally and is harassing you, what should you <em class=\"im_emphasis\">not<\/em> do at that moment?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div class=\"post-citations sidebar\"><\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"<div class=\"im_section\">\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_n01\" class=\"im_learning_objectives im_editable im_block\">\n<h3 class=\"im_title\"><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-highlight\">\n<h3>LEARNING OBJECTIVES<\/h3>\n<p>By the end of this section, you will be able to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Explain the benefits of social interactions with a variety of people in the college environment.<\/li>\n<li>List personal characteristics and skills that contribute to one\u2019s ability to get along well with others.<\/li>\n<li>Improve your communication skills.<\/li>\n<li>Use online social networking beneficially.<\/li>\n<li>Balance your social life with your schoolwork.<\/li>\n<li>Describe how to successfully resolve a conflict with another person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"im_section\"><\/div>\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Interdependence<\/h2>\n<p>Humans are social creatures\u2014it\u2019s simply in our nature. We continually interact with other students and instructors, and we can learn a great deal from these interactions that heighten the learning process. This frequent interaction with others forms a state of interdependence. College students depend on their instructors, but just as importantly, they depend on other students in many ways.<\/p>\n<p>As important as our interactions with others are, we do not automatically possess the skills that help us form good relationships and make the most of our experiences. Consider how these two college students are different:<\/p>\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\">\n<p>John often arrives just as class is beginning and leaves immediately afterward. He makes little effort to talk with other students in the classroom, and after class he goes off to study alone or to his part-time job, where he spends most of his time at a computer screen. He is diligent in his studies and generally does well. After two months, he has not gotten to know his roommate very well, and he generally eats alone with a book in hand. He stops by to see his instructors in their offices only if he missed a class due to illness, and on weekends and holidays he often hangs out at his parents\u2019 house or sees old friends.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\">\n<p>Kim likes to get to class early and sits near others so they can talk about the reading for class or compare notes about assignments. She enjoys running into other students she knows from her classes and usually stops to chat. Although she is an older working student who lives alone off campus, she often dines in a campus caf\u00e9 and asks students she meets in her classes to join her. After two months, with the approach of midterms, she formed a study group with a couple other students. If she feels she doesn\u2019t understand an important lecture topic very well, she gets to her instructor\u2019s office a few minutes ahead of office hours to avoid missing out by having to wait in line. A few weeks into the term, she spent a weekend with a student from another country and learned much about a culture about which she had previously known little.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>These students are very different. Which do you think is more fully enjoying the college experience? Which do you think is more likely to do well academically? Most of us fall somewhere between these two extremes, but we can learn to be more like Kim and more actively engage with others.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s02\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Recognize the Value of Social Interaction<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-797\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"cafe full of people\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe-65x43.jpg 65w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe-225x150.jpg 225w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe-350x233.jpg 350w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/cafe.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>Building good relationships is important for happiness and a successful college experience. College offers the opportunity to meet many people you would likely not meet otherwise in life. Make the most of this opportunity to gain a number of benefits:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>A growing understanding of diverse other people, how they think, and what they feel that will serve you well throughout your life and in your future career<\/li>\n<li>A heightened sense of your own identity, especially as you interact with others with different personalities and from different backgrounds<\/li>\n<li>Emotional comfort from friendship with someone who understands you and with whom you can talk about your problems, joys, hopes, and fears<\/li>\n<li>An opportunity to grow with wider intellectual and emotional horizons<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>College often offers an opportunity to be stimulated and excited by new relationships and interactions with people who will challenge your thinking and help you become your best. Still, it can be difficult to get started with new relationships in college.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s03\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Making New Friends<\/h2>\n<p>Some people just make friends naturally, but many first-year college students are more shy or quiet and may need to actively seek new friends. Here are some starting points:<\/p>\n<ol id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s03_l01\" class=\"im_orderedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep all doors open for meeting new people.<\/strong> If you live in a dorm, literally keep the door open. Try to sit with different people at meals so you can get to know them better. Study in a common area or lounge where you\u2019ll be among others.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be open in your interests.<\/strong> Don\u2019t limit yourself to people who share only certain interests. Meeting people by studying together is an excellent way to get to know people with different interests.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Don\u2019t try to get involved in everything going on around you.<\/strong> Committing to too many activities or joining too many social groups will spread your time too thin, and you may not spend enough time with anyone to get to know them.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Let others see who you really are.<\/strong> Let people get to know the things you\u2019re interested in, your real passions. People who really know you are more likely to become good friends.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Make an effort to get to know others, too.<\/strong> Show some interest. Don\u2019t talk just about <em class=\"im_emphasis\">your<\/em> interests\u2014ask them about theirs. Show others that you\u2019re interested, that you think they\u2019re worth spending time with, and that you really do want to get to know them.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Once a friendship has started, be a good friend.<\/strong> Respect your friends for what they are and don\u2019t criticize them or talk about them behind their back. Give emotional support when your friends need it and accept their support as well when you need it.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s03_n01\" class=\"im_callout im_editable im_block\">\n<h3 class=\"im_title\">Are You Shy?<\/h3>\n<p>If you\u2019re shy, try meeting and talking to people in situations where you can interact one-to-one, such as talking with another student after class. Start with what you have in common\u2014\u201cHow\u2019d you do on the test?\u201d\u2014and let the conversation grow from there. Avoid the emotional trap of thinking everyone but you is making new friends and start some conversations with others who look interesting to you. You\u2019ll soon find other \u201cshy\u201d or quiet people eager to interact with you as well and get to know you.<\/p>\n<p>Shy people may be more likely to feel lonely at times, especially while still feeling new at college. Loneliness is usually a temporary emotional state, however. For tips for how to overcome feelings of loneliness, see the section on loneliness in Chapter 10 &#8220;Taking Control of Your Health&#8221;, Section 10.6 &#8220;Emotional Health and Happiness&#8221;.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Communication Skills<\/h2>\n<p>Communication is at the core of almost all social interactions, including those involved in friendships and relationships with your instructors. Communication with others has a huge effect on our lives, what we think and feel, and what and how we learn. Communication is, many would say, what makes us human.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-798\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Conversation on steps\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1-65x43.jpg 65w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1-225x150.jpg 225w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1-350x233.jpg 350w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/conversation1.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>Oral communication involves not only speech and listening, of course, but also <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">nonverbal communication<\/span><\/span>: facial expressions, tone of voice, and many other <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">body language<\/span><\/span> signals that affect the messages sent and received. Many experts think that people pay more attention, often unconsciously, to <em class=\"im_emphasis\">how<\/em> people say something than to <em class=\"im_emphasis\">what<\/em> they are saying. When the nonverbal message is inconsistent with the verbal (spoken) message, just as when the verbal message itself is unclear because of poorly chosen words or vague explanations, then miscommunication may occur.<\/p>\n<p>Miscommunication is at the root of many misunderstandings among people and makes it difficult to build relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Chapter 7 &#8220;Interacting with Instructors and Classes&#8221; discusses oral communication skills in general and guidelines for communicating well with your instructors. The same communication skills are important for building and maintaining significant relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Remember that communication is a two-way process. Listening skills are critical for most college students simply because many of us may not have learned how to really listen to another person. Here are some guidelines for how to listen effectively:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Talk less to listen more.<\/strong> Most people naturally like to share their thoughts and feelings, and some people almost seem unable to stop talking long enough to ever listen to another person. Try this: next time you\u2019re in a conversation with another student, deliberately try not to speak very much but give the other person a chance to speak fully. You may notice a big difference in how much you gain from the conversation.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Ask questions.<\/strong> To keep the conversational ball rolling, show your interest in the other person by asking them about things they are saying. This helps the other person feel that you are interested in them and helps build the relationship.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Watch and respond to the other person\u2019s body language.<\/strong> You\u2019ll learn much more about their feelings for what they\u2019re saying than if you listen only to their words.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Show the other person that you\u2019re really listening and that you care.<\/strong> Make eye contact and respond appropriately with nods and brief comments like \u201cThat\u2019s interesting!\u201d or \u201cI know what you mean\u201d or \u201cReally?\u201d Be friendly, smile when appropriate, and encourage the person to keep speaking.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Give the other person<\/strong> <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">feedback<\/span><\/span><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">.<\/strong> Show you understand by saying things like \u201cSo you\u2019re saying that\u2026\u201d or asking a question that demonstrates you\u2019ve been following what they\u2019re saying and want to know more.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As you learn to improve your listening skills, think also about what you are saying yourself and how. Here are additional guidelines for effective speaking:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l02\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be honest, but don\u2019t be critical<\/strong>. Strongly disagreeing may only put the other person on the defensive\u2014an emotion sure to disrupt the hope for good communication. You can disagree, but be respectful to keep the conversation from becoming emotional. Say \u201cI don\u2019t know, I think that maybe it\u2019s\u2026\u201d instead of \u201cThat\u2019s crazy! What\u2019s <em class=\"im_emphasis\">really<\/em> going on is.\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Look for common ground.<\/strong> Make sure that your side of a conversation relates to what the other person is saying and that it focuses on what you have in common. There\u2019s almost no better way to stop a conversation dead in its tracks than to ignore everything the other person has just said and launch into an unrelated story or idea of your own.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Avoid sarcasm and irony unless you know the person well.<\/strong> Sarcasm is easily misunderstood and may be interpreted as an attack on the other person\u2019s ideas or statements.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Don\u2019t try to talk like the other person,<\/strong> especially if the person is from a different ethnic or cultural background or speaks with an accent or heavy slang. The other person will feel that you are imitating them and maybe even making fun of them. Be yourself and speak naturally.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">While not imitating the other person, relate to his or her personality and style of thinking.<\/strong> We do not speak to our parents or instructors the exact same way we speak to our closest friends, nor should we speak to someone we\u2019ve just met the same way. Show your respect for the other person by keeping the conversation on an appropriate level.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Remember that<\/strong> <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">assertive communication<\/span><\/span> <strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">is better than passive or aggressive communication.<\/strong> \u201cAssertive\u201d in this context means you are honest and direct in stating your ideas and thoughts; you are confident and clear and willing to discuss your ideas while still respecting the thoughts and ideas of others. A passive communicator is reluctant to speak up, seems to agree with everything others say, hesitates to say anything that others might disagree with, and therefore seldom communicates much at all. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Passive communication<\/span><\/span> simply is not a real exchange in communication. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Aggressive communication<\/span><\/span>, at the other extreme, is often highly critical of the thoughts and ideas of others. This communication style may be sarcastic, emotional, and even insulting. Real communication is not occurring because others are not prompted to respond honestly and openly.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Choose your conversations wisely.<\/strong> Recognize that you don\u2019t have to engage in all conversations. Make it your goal to form relationships and engage in interactions that help you learn and grow as a person. College life offers plenty of opportunities for making relationships and interacting with others if you keep open to them, so you needn\u2019t try to participate in every social situation around you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Some students may have difficulty in the opposite direction: their social lives may become so rich or so time consuming that they have problems balancing their social lives with their schoolwork. Online social media, for example, may eat up a lot of time.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s05\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Online Social Networking<\/h2>\n<p>Most college students know all about Facebook, Twitter, blogging, chat rooms, and other <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">social networking<\/span><\/span> sites. Current studies reveal that over 90 percent of all college students use Facebook or MySpace regularly, although older students use these sites less commonly. The media have often emphasized negative stories involving safety concerns, obsessive behavior, a perceived superficiality of social interaction online, and so on. But more recently, online social networking has been found to have several benefits. Many of those who once criticized Facebook and MySpace are now regularly networking among themselves via LinkedIn, Plaxo, and other \u201cprofessional\u201d networking sites.<\/p>\n<p>Following are some of the benefits of Facebook\u2014some clear to those using it, others revealed only recently by research in the social sciences:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s05_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Facebook and other forms of online networking makes it easy to stay in touch with friends and family at a geographical distance. College students who have moved away from former friends seem to make the transition more easily when they stay in touch. Maintaining past relationships does not prevent most people from making new friends at college.<\/li>\n<li>Facebook provides users with increased \u201csocial capital,\u201d which is a sum of resources gained through one\u2019s relationships with people. Facebook users gain information, opportunities for participation in activities and groups, greater knowledge about others, some interaction skills, and so forth. Social capital is also associated with self-esteem, success in some endeavors, and general happiness.<\/li>\n<li>Facebook makes it easier for people who are shy or otherwise slow to initiate or respond to interactions with others to participate socially in a group. Online network sites also offer an outlet for self-expression and sharing.<\/li>\n<li>For many college students, interactions on Facebook strengthen personal relationships rather than detracting from them.<\/li>\n<li>Acknowledging that online social networking is a reality for most college students, many college administrators and instructors also use it to stay in better touch with students, to provide information and encouragement, and to help students experience the full richness of the college experience. Your college may have a Facebook page where you can learn much about things happening around campus, and you may even receive tweets about important announcements.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s05_f01\" class=\"im_figure im_large im_medium-height im_editable im_block\">\n<p><span class=\"im_title-prefix\">Figure 9.3<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/textimgs.s3.amazonaws.com\/colsuc\/section_12\/24ddd8fc65446bed3b1e5c3fb786c6b5.jpg\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2014\/08\/sm_24ddd8fc65446bed3b1e5c3fb786c6b5.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Still, online social networking is not 100 percent beneficial for all college students. Someone who becomes obsessed with constantly updating their profile or attracting a huge number of friends can spend so much time at their computer that they miss out on other important aspects of college life. Hopefully by now everyone knows why you should never post compromising or inappropriate photos or information about yourself anywhere online, even as a joke: many employers, college admissions offices, and others may find this compromising material in the future and deny you the job, internship, graduate program, or other position that you want. It\u2019s important also to protect your identity and privacy on online sites.<\/p>\n<p>Overall, online networking in moderation can help enrich one\u2019s life. When used to build relationships, gain information, and stay in touch with a larger community, it can contribute to success in college. Most college students use Facebook ten to thirty minutes a day. If you\u2019re spending more than that, you might ask yourself if you\u2019re missing out on something else.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s06\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Balancing Schoolwork and Social Life<\/h2>\n<p>If there\u2019s one thing true of virtually all college students, it\u2019s that you don\u2019t have enough time to do everything you want. Once you\u2019ve developed friendships within the college community and have an active social life, you may feel you don\u2019t have enough time for your studies and other activities such as work. For many students, the numerous social opportunities of college become a distraction, and with less attention to one\u2019s studies, academic performance can drop. Here are some tips for balancing your social life with your studies:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s06_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep working on your time management skills,<\/strong> as you learned in Chapter 2 &#8220;Staying Motivated, Organized, and On Track&#8221;. You can\u2019t just \u201cgo with the flow\u201d and hope that, after spending time with friends, you have enough time (and energy) left over for studying. Make a study schedule that provides enough time for what you need to do. Study first; socialize after.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep working on your study skills,<\/strong> as you learned in Chapter 4 &#8220;Listening, Taking Notes, and Remembering&#8221;, Chapter 5 &#8220;Reading to Learn&#8221;, and Chapter 6 &#8220;Preparing for and Taking Tests&#8221;. When you have only a limited amount of time for studying, be sure you\u2019re using that time as effectively as possible as you read assignments and prepare for class, organize your notes after class, and prepare for tests.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">If you can\u2019t resist temptations, reduce them.<\/strong> If you are easily distracted by the opportunity to talk with your roommate, spouse, or family members because you study where you live, then go to the library to study.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Make studying a social experience.<\/strong> If your studying keeps you so busy that you feel like you don\u2019t have much of a social life, form a study group. You will learn more than you would alone by gaining from the thoughts of others, and you can enjoy interacting with others without falling behind.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Keep your social life from affecting your studying.<\/strong> Simply scheduling study time doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll use it well. If you stayed up late the night before, you may not today be able to concentrate well as you study for that big test. This is another reason for good time management and scheduling your time well, looking ahead.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Get help if you need it.<\/strong> If you\u2019re still having difficulty balancing your study time with other activities, talk with your academic advisor or a counselor. Maybe something else is keeping you from doing your best. Maybe you need some additional study skills or you need to get some extra help from a tutor or campus study center. Remember, your college wants you to succeed and will try to help those who seek help.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s06_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">A Note on Greek Life<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-800\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house-245x300.jpg\" alt=\"Fraternity House\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house-245x300.jpg 245w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house-65x79.jpg 65w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house-225x275.jpg 225w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house-350x428.jpg 350w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/Greek-house.jpg 523w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\" \/><\/a>Fraternities and sororities appeal to many students on many campuses. You meet a lot of people quickly and have a social life provided for you almost automatically, with many events and parties as well as usually an active house life. Many people have formed lasting, even lifelong relationships with their fraternity and sorority friends. On the other hand, this living and social experience may limit the kinds of people you meet and present fewer opportunities to interact with others outside the Greek system. If there are frequent activities, it may be important to learn to say no at time when studying becomes a priority. If you are interested in but not yet committed to this life, it\u2019s worthwhile to find out what the houses at your school are really like, consider what your life would likely be like in a fraternity or sorority, and think about how it may impact your college goals.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Overcoming Difficulties and Resolving Conflicts<\/h2>\n<p>Conflicts among people who are interacting are natural. People have many differences in opinions, ideas, emotions, and behaviors, and these differences sometimes cause conflicts. Here are just a few examples of conflicts that may occur among college students:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Your roommate is playing loud music in your room, and you need some quiet to study for a test.<\/li>\n<li>You want to have a nice dinner out, but your spouse wants to save the money to buy new furniture.<\/li>\n<li>Your instructor gave you a C on a paper because it lacks some of the required elements, but you feel it deserves a better grade because you think it accomplished more important goals.<\/li>\n<li>Others at your Greek house want to invite only members of other fraternities and sororities to an upcoming party, but you want the party to be more inclusive and to invite more diverse students.<\/li>\n<li>Your partner wants to have sex with you, but you want to wait until you get protection.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So how can such conflicts be resolved? Two things are necessary for <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">conflict resolution<\/span><\/span> that does not leave one or more of the people involved feeling negative about the outcome: attitude and communication.<\/p>\n<p>A conflict cannot be resolved satisfactorily unless all people involved have the right attitude:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_l02\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Respect the options and behaviors of others.<\/strong> Accept that people are not all alike and learn to celebrate your differences. Most situations do not involve a single right or wrong answer.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be open minded.<\/strong> Just because at first you are sure that that you are right, do not close the door to other possibilities. Look at the other\u2019s point of view. Be open to change\u2014even when that means accepting constructive criticism.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Calm down.<\/strong> You can\u2019t work together to resolve a conflict while you\u2019re still feeling strong emotions. Agree with the other to wait until you\u2019re both able to discuss it without strong emotions.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Recognize the value of compromise.<\/strong> Even if you disagree after calmly talking over an issue, accept that as a human reality and understand that a compromise may be necessary in order to get along with others.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>With the right attitude, you can then work together to resolve the issue. This process depends on good communication:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_l03\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Listen.<\/strong> Don\u2019t simply argue for your position, but listen carefully to what the other says. Pay attention to their body language as you try to understand their point of view and ask questions to ensure that you do. Paraphrase what you think you hear to give the other a chance to correct any misunderstanding.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Use \u201cI statements\u201d rather than \u201cyou statements.\u201d<\/strong> Explain your point of view about the situation in a way that does not put the other person on the defensive and evoke emotions that make resolution more difficult. Don\u2019t say, \u201cYou\u2019re always playing loud music when I\u2019m trying to study.\u201d Instead, say, \u201cI have difficulty studying when you play loud music, and that makes me frustrated and irritable.\u201d Don\u2019t blame the other for the problem\u2014that would just get emotions flowing again.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Brainstorm together to find a solution that satisfies both of you.<\/strong> Some compromise is usually needed, but that is usually not difficult to reach when you\u2019re calm and have the right attitude about working together on a solution. In some cases, you may simply have to accept a result that you still do not agree with, simply in order to move on.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The process of conflict resolution is discussed more fully in Chapter 10 &#8220;Taking Control of Your Health&#8221;. In most cases, when the people involved have a good attitude and are open to compromise, conflicts can be resolved successfully.<\/p>\n<p>Yet sometimes there seems to be no resolution. Sometimes the other person may simply be difficult and refuse to even try to work out a solution. Regrettably, not everyone on or off campus is mature enough to be open to other perspectives. With some interpersonal conflicts, you may simply have to decide not to see that person anymore or find other ways to avoid the conflict in the future. But remember, most conflicts can be solved among adults, and it\u2019s seldom a good solution to run away from a problem that will continue to surface and keep you from being happy with your life.<\/p>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Roommate Issues<\/h2>\n<p>At many colleges students just out of high school must live in a campus residence hall. Other students may live in a shared apartment with new roommates. This is the first time many students have had to share a room, suite, or apartment with others who were not family members, and this situation may lead to conflicts and strong feelings that can even affect your academic success.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-801\" src=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm-300x228.jpg\" alt=\"Two women in dorm room\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" srcset=\"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm-300x228.jpg 300w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm-65x49.jpg 65w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm-225x171.jpg 225w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm-350x266.jpg 350w, https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/ivytech-collegesuccess2x48x111\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2216\/2015\/04\/dorm.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>As in other interactions, the keys to forming a good relationship with a roommate are communication and attitude. From the beginning, you should talk about everyone\u2019s expectations of the other(s) and what matters most to you about where you live. Don\u2019t wait until problems happen before talking. It\u2019s often good to begin with the key practical issues: agreeing on quiet hours for study (limiting not only loud music but also visits from others), time for lights out, neatness and cleaning up, things shared and private things not to touch.<\/p>\n<p>Show respect for the other\u2019s ideas and possessions, respect their privacy, and try to listen more than you talk. Even if your roommate does not become a close friend, you can have a harmonious, successful relationship that makes your residence a good home for both of you. Millions of college students before you have learned to work this out, and if both (or all) of you respect each other and keep communication open and nonconfrontational, you will easily get through the small bumps in the road ahead, too. Follow these guidelines to help ensure you get along well:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s01_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Anticipate problems before they happen.<\/strong> Think about things that you consider essential in your living environment and talk with a new roommate about these essentials now.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Deal with any problem promptly.<\/strong> Don\u2019t wait until a behavior is well established before speaking up, as if the other person will somehow catch on that it aggravates you. It may be as simple as a roommate using your coffee cup or borrowing your toothpaste without asking, but if you say nothing, trying to be polite, the habit may expand to other things.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be patient, flexible, and willing to compromise.<\/strong> It may take a while for each of you to get used to each other and to establish a communication pattern of openness so that you can be honest with each other about what really matters.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be warm, use humor, and be sensitive.<\/strong> Telling someone that they\u2019re doing something bothersome can be very difficult for many people. Think before speaking, looking for the best way to communicate what you feel. Remember, you\u2019ll be spending a lot of time around this person, so do you really want them to think of you as bossy or obsessive-compulsive?<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Get out more.<\/strong> Sometimes it helps to spend more time elsewhere on campus, studying in the library or another quiet place. You just might need a certain amount of time a day alone. That\u2019s fine, but don\u2019t expect your roommate to have to leave just to give you that time alone!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s02\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">But What If You <em class=\"im_emphasis\">Really<\/em> Have a Roommate Problem?<\/h2>\n<p>In some situations and with some people who will not compromise and do not respect you and your needs, a roommate can be a serious problem. In some circumstances, you may able to move to a different room. Room changes usually are not granted simply because you \u201cdon\u2019t get along,\u201d but certain circumstances may justify a change. The following are some examples:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Your roommate smokes in the room.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate uses illegal drugs, drinks alcohol underage, or conducts other illegal activities in the room.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate repeatedly refuses to limit activities at any hour to allow you to sleep.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate does anything that threatens your physical well-being or safety.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate denies you your rights to practice your religion or other basic rights.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you have a problem like this, first talk with your resident advisor (RA) or other residence hall authority. They will explain the process for a room change, if warranted, or other ways for managing the problem,<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s08\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Dealing with Harassment<\/h2>\n<p>Although college campuses are for the most part safe, secure, and friendly places where social and intellectual interaction is generally mature and responsible, harassment can occur in any setting. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Harassment<\/span><\/span> is a general term referring to behavior that is intended to disturb or threaten another person in some way, often psychologically. Typically the person or people doing the harassment target their victim because of a difference in race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, sex, age, sexual orientation, or disability.<\/p>\n<p>Acts of harassment may be verbal, physical, psychological, or any other behavior intended to disturb another person. Bullying behavior, name-calling, belittling, gesturing obscenely, stalking, mobbing\u2014any action intended to torment or deliberately make another person uncomfortable or feel humiliated is harassment. Harassment may also be intended to manipulate a targeted person to act in some specific way.<\/p>\n<p>Sexual harassment is a special term referring to persistent, unwanted sexual behaviors or advances. Sexual harassment may begin with words but progress to unwanted touching and potentially even rape. Sexual harassment is discussed in more detail in Chapter 10 &#8220;Taking Control of Your Health&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Many types of harassment are illegal. In the workplace, a supervisor who tells off-color sexual jokes around an employee of the opposite gender may be guilty of sexual harassment. Students who deliberately malign members of another race may be guilty of committing a hate crime. Physically tormenting another student in a hazing may be judged assault and battery. Any discrimination in the workplace based on race, religion, age, sex, and so on is illegal. On a college campus, any harassment of a student by a faculty member or college employee is expressly forbidden, unethical, and also possibly illegal.<\/p>\n<p>Harassment of any type, at any time, of any person, is wrong and unacceptable. You will know it if you are harassed, and you should know also that it is your basic right to be free of harassment and that your college has strict policies against all forms of harassment. Here\u2019s what you should do if you are being harassed:<\/p>\n<ol id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s08_l01\" class=\"im_orderedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Tell the person to stop the behavior\u2014or if you feel at any risk of harm, get out of the situation immediately.<\/li>\n<li>Document the incident, particularly with ongoing harassment. Keep notes of the details. Tell someone you trust about the situation.<\/li>\n<li>Report the harassment to the appropriate college authority. If you are unsure which to go to, go to the dean of students first.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s09\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Changing Family Relationships<\/h2>\n<p>The college years are a time of many changes, including one\u2019s relationships with parents, siblings, and one\u2019s own children and partners. Any time there is change, issues may arise.<\/p>\n<p>As in other relationships, try to understand the other\u2019s perspective. Honesty is particularly important\u2014but with tact and understanding. Here are some tips for getting along:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s09_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Understand that your parents may not change their attitudes toward you as quickly as you yourself may be changing. They may still think of you as a younger person in need of their continued guidance. They will worry about you and fear that you might fall in with the wrong crowd or engage in risky behavior. Be patient. Take the time to communicate, and don\u2019t close yourself off. Let them gradually accept you as a more mature person who can make your own decisions wisely.<\/li>\n<li>Stay in touch. You may be busier than ever and feel you haven\u2019t time for a phone call or e-mail, but communication is very important for parents\u2014especially if they are now empty nesters without other children at home. Even if they seem to want too much involvement in your life and to make decisions for you, realize that this at least in part is simply a desire to stay in touch with you\u2014and to feel they still matter in your life.<\/li>\n<li>Use your best listening skills. Understanding what they\u2019re really feeling, which is often simply a concern for you born of their love for you, will usually help you know best to respond.<\/li>\n<li>Be assured that over time your parents and other family members will get used to your being on your own and will accept your ability to make your own decisions. Time itself often solves issues.<\/li>\n<li>With your own family, now that you are busier than ever with classes and work, you may need to pay special attention to ensuring you stay active in family relationships. Schedule times for family outings and make room in your days for casual interactions. But remember, it\u2019s not how much time you spend together but the quality of that time, so give your family your full attention when you are together.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s09_n01\" class=\"im_key_takeaways im_editable im_block\">\n<div id=\"post-355\" class=\"post-355 chapter type-chapter status-publish hentry type-1\">\n<div class=\"entry-content\">\n<div class=\"im_section\">\n<div class=\"im_section\">\n<div id=\"mclean-ch03_s01_s02_n01\" class=\"im_key_takeaways im_editable im_block\">\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-success\">\n<h3>KEY TAKEAWAYs<\/h3>\n<section>\n<div data-type=\"note\">\n<ul>\n<li>A rich, diverse social life is an important dimension of the college experience that contributes also to academic success.<\/li>\n<li>Getting along with others involves communication skills and a willingness to interact with different people in a number of different ways.<\/li>\n<li>Effective listening skills are as important as expressing yourself well verbally and nonverbally.<\/li>\n<li>Online social networking used in moderation can be beneficial.<\/li>\n<li>Balancing one\u2019s social life with schoolwork requires time management skills as well as good study skills.<\/li>\n<li>Because social interactions frequently involve conflicting values, behaviors, or ideas, it\u2019s important to respect others, stay open minded, be open to compromise, and understand how to resolve conflicts.<\/li>\n<li>Acknowledge that family relationships will likely change after you enter college and work to ease the transition for everyone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<h3 class=\"im_title\"><\/h3>\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\n<h3>EXERCISES<\/h3>\n<ol>\n<li>List three or four guidelines for interacting successfully with others.<\/li>\n<li>You are talking after class with another student with whom you\u2019d like to be friends, but you\u2019re distracted by a test you have to study for. If you\u2019re not careful, what nonverbal communication signals might you accidentally send that could make the other person feel you are <em class=\"im_emphasis\">not<\/em> friendly? Describe two or three nonverbal signals that could give the wrong impression.<\/li>\n<li>What are the best things <em class=\"im_emphasis\">to say<\/em> when you\u2019re actively engaged in <em class=\"im_emphasis\">listening<\/em> to another?<\/li>\n<li>For each of the following statements about effective communication, circle T for true or F for false:\n<div class=\"im_informaltable\">\n<table cellpadding=\"0\" style=\"border-spacing: 0px;\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td>T<\/td>\n<td>F<\/td>\n<td>Avoid eye contact until you\u2019ve gotten to know the person well enough to be sure they will not misinterpret your interest.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>T<\/td>\n<td>F<\/td>\n<td>Using the same slang or accent as other people will make them see you respect them as they are.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>T<\/td>\n<td>F<\/td>\n<td>Communicating your ideas with honesty and confidence is usually more effective than just agreeing with what others are saying.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>T<\/td>\n<td>F<\/td>\n<td>Communicating with people online is seldom as effective as calling them on the telephone or seeing them in person.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>T<\/td>\n<td>F<\/td>\n<td>It\u2019s usually best to accept spontaneous opportunities for social interaction, because you\u2019ll always have time later for your studies.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>You are upset because your roommate (or a family member) always seems to have several friends over just when you need to study most. Write in the space below what you might say to this person to explain the problem, using \u201cI statements\u201d rather than \u201cyou statements.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>If another person is acting very emotionally and is harassing you, what should you <em class=\"im_emphasis\">not<\/em> do at that moment?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"post-citations sidebar\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t <section class=\"citations-section\" role=\"contentinfo\">\n\t\t\t <h3>Candela Citations<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t <div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <div id=\"citation-list-111\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div class=\"licensing\"><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Shared previously<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>Success in College. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: anonymous. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/\">http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of cafe. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Steve McClanahan. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/qq2Qeg\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/qq2Qeg<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC: Attribution-NonCommercial<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of conversation on steps. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: OlBrug. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/8iFJa5\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/8iFJa5<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of fraternity house. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Ross Griff. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/aqpqCk\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/aqpqCk<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by\/4.0\/\">CC BY: Attribution<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of college roommates. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Ken Colwell. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/5XBZcS\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/5XBZcS<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t <\/section>","protected":false},"author":9,"menu_order":1,"template":"","meta":{"_candela_citation":"[{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Success in 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