{"id":111,"date":"2014-08-25T03:19:34","date_gmt":"2014-08-25T03:19:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/courses.candelalearning.com\/collegesuccess1x1\/?post_type=chapter&#038;p=111"},"modified":"2016-06-17T15:57:52","modified_gmt":"2016-06-17T15:57:52","slug":"getting-along-with-others","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/chapter\/getting-along-with-others\/","title":{"raw":"Getting Along with Others","rendered":"Getting Along with Others"},"content":{"raw":"<a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143044\/campus-group.jpg\"><img class=\" wp-image-805 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143044\/campus-group.jpg\" alt=\"Campus team posed outdoors\" width=\"496\" height=\"330\" \/><\/a>\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-highlight\">\r\n<h3>LEARNING OBJECTIVES<\/h3>\r\nBy the end of this section, you will be able to:\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>Explain some of the benefits of collaboration and social interactions with a variety of people in the college environment.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>List personal characteristics and skills that contribute to\u00a0our ability to get along with others.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Improve our communication skills.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Describe how to successfully resolve a conflict with another person.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<h2>Collaboration<\/h2>\r\nMost college students\u00a0will be\u00a0required to work in groups in\u00a0various classes, and many workplace tasks\u00a0are accomplished through\u00a0committee work.\u00a0 Although\u00a0not without\u00a0challenges,\u00a0collaborating with others is a necessary life skill that has many benefits.\r\n<h3>Some of the\u00a0Benefits of Collaboration<\/h3>\r\n<ol>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Provides more perspectives<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Lightens the load<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Produces better product<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Decreases loneliness and isolation<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Practices your interpersonal skills<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Builds tolerance<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Can be fun<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<h3>A Few of the Challenges of Collaboration<\/h3>\r\n<ol>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Tasks\u00a0not\u00a0completed on time<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Ineffective communication<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Personality conflicts among team members<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Domineering group members<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Conflicting schedules<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Members not contributing equally to the group<\/li>\r\n\t<li style=\"text-align: center\">Inability to focus on a task because of too much socializing<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<h2 class=\"im_section\">Interdependence<\/h2>\r\nAs humans beings\u00a0are social creatures.\u00a0 It's in our nature to gravitate towards others, so we continually interact with other students and instructors. Our interaction with others\u00a0form a state of interdependence, and we can learn a great deal from these interactions.\r\n\r\nBecause interacting with others is so important in college and career, it serves us well to continuously improve the skills that help us form good relationships and make the most of our experiences. Consider how these two college students are different:\r\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\"><strong>John<\/strong> often arrives just as class is beginning and leaves immediately afterward. He makes little effort to talk with other students in the classroom, and after class he goes off to study alone or to his part-time job, where he spends most of his time at a computer screen. He is diligent in his studies and generally does well. After two months, he has not gotten to know his roommate very well, and he generally eats alone with a book in his hand. He stops by to see his instructors in their offices only if he missed a class due to illness, and on weekends and holidays he often hangs out at his parents\u2019 house or sees old friends.<\/div>\r\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\"><strong>Kim<\/strong> likes to get to class early and sits near others so they can talk about the reading for class or compare notes about assignments. She enjoys running into other students she knows from her classes and usually stops to chat. Although she is an older working student who lives alone off campus, she often dines in a campus caf\u00e9 and asks students she meets in her classes to join her. A few weeks into the term, she spent a weekend with a student from another country and learned much about a culture about which she had previously known little. If she feels she doesn\u2019t understand an important lecture topic very well, she gets to her instructor\u2019s office a few minutes ahead of office hours to avoid missing out by having to wait in line. After two months, she formed a study group with a couple other students to prepare for midterms.<\/div>\r\nThese students are very different. Which do you think is more fully enjoying the college experience? Which do you think is more likely to do well academically? Why?\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Recognize the Value of Social Interaction<\/h2>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143037\/cafe.jpg\"><img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-797\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143037\/cafe-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"cafe full of people\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a>Building good relationships is important for happiness and a successful college experience. College offers the opportunity to meet many people you would likely not meet otherwise. By making the most of this opportunity, you will gain a number of benefits:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Understanding of diverse other people and\u00a0how they think and\u00a0feel<\/li>\r\n\t<li>A heightened sense of your own identity<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Emotional comfort from friendships<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Intellectual and emotional\u00a0growth<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nCollege often offers an opportunity for new relationships and interactions with people who will challenge your thinking and help you become your best self.\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Communication Skills<\/h2>\r\nCommunication is a means of connecting between people for the purpose of exchanging information, expressing feelings, or sharing ideas, and the\u00a0two-way communication process is at the core of almost all social interactions. Communication with others can profoundly affect our lives, especially what we think and feel and what and how we learn.\r\n\r\nOral communication involves not only speech and listening, of course, but also <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">nonverbal communication, such as <\/span><\/span>facial expressions, tone of voice, and many other <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">body language<\/span><\/span> signals that affect the messages sent and received. Many experts\u00a0believe that most\u00a0people\u00a0pay more attention to how people say something than to what they are actually\u00a0saying. When the nonverbal message is inconsistent with the verbal message, miscommunication may occur.\r\n\r\nRemember that communication is a two-way process. involving both speaking and listening, so it's imprtant to continually develop both skills. Here are some guidelines for how to actively listen:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Talk less to listen more.<\/strong> Most people naturally like to share their thoughts and feelings, and some people almost seem unable to stop talking long enough to ever listen to another person.\u00a0It's important to listen actively. Focus on what the other person is saying, and avoid thinking about what you will say next.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Ask questions and provide feedback. <\/strong>Show your interest in\u00a0other people by asking them about things they are saying. Show your understand by saying things such as, \u201cSo you\u2019re saying . . .\u201d or asking a question that demonstrates you\u2019ve been following what they\u2019re saying and want to know more.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Watch and respond to the other person\u2019s body language.<\/strong> You\u2019ll learn much more about their feelings for what they\u2019re saying than if you listen only to their words.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Show the other person that you\u2019re really listening and that you care.<\/strong> Make eye contact and respond appropriately with nods and brief comments such as, \u201cThat\u2019s interesting!\u201d or \u201cI know what you mean\u201d or \u201cReally?\u201d Be friendly, smile when appropriate, and encourage the person to keep speaking.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nAs you learn to improve your listening skills, think also about what you are saying yourself and how you are saying it. Here are additional guidelines for effective speaking:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l02\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be honest, but don\u2019t be critical<\/strong>. Strongly disagreeing may only put the other person on the defensive. You can disagree, but be respectful. Consider saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know, I think that maybe it\u2019s . . . \" or \"My understanding is . . .\" instead of \"That's wrong!\" or something similar.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Look for common ground.<\/strong> Make sure your side of a conversation relates to what the other person is saying and focus on what you have in common.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Avoid sarcasm or making jokes unless you know the person well.<\/strong> Sarcasm and humor can be easily misunderstood.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Know your audience.<\/strong> We do not speak to our parents or instructors the exact same way we speak to our closest friends or\u00a0someone we\u00a0just met. Adjust your language and tone appropriately.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Remember that<\/strong> <strong><span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">assertive communication<\/span><\/span> <\/strong><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">is better than passive or aggressive communication.<\/strong>\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li><strong>Assertive<\/strong> in this context means\u00a0to be\u00a0honest and direct in stating your ideas and thoughts; you are confident and clear and willing to discuss your ideas while still respecting the thoughts and ideas of others.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Passive<\/strong> communicators are reluctant to speak up, seems to agree with everything others say, hesitates to say anything that others might disagree with.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\"><strong>Aggressive<\/strong> communication <\/span><\/span>is often highly critical of the thoughts and ideas of others and\u00a0may be sarcastic, emotional, and even insulting.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Choose your conversations wisely.<\/strong> Recognize that you don\u2019t have to engage in all conversations. Make it your goal to form relationships and engage in interactions that help you learn and grow as a person.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Roommate Issues<\/h2>\r\nYou might live on\u00a0campus in a residence hall or share an apartment with new roommates. This may be the first time you have had to share a room, suite, or apartment with others who are not family members, and this situation may lead to conflicts and strong feelings that can affect your academic success.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143043\/dorm.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-801\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143043\/dorm-300x228.jpg\" alt=\"Two women in dorm room\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" \/><\/a>As in other interactions, the keys to forming a good relationship with a roommate are communication and attitude. From the beginning, you should talk about everyone\u2019s expectations of the other(s) and what matters most to you about where you live. Don\u2019t wait until problems happen before talking. It\u2019s often good to begin with the key practical issues:\u00a0quiet hours for study, time for lights out, neatness and cleaning up, and shared and private possessions.\r\n\r\nShow respect for their ideas and possessions, respect their privacy, and try to listen more than you talk. Even if your roommate does not become a close friend, you can have a harmonious, successful relationship that makes your residence a good home for both of you. Follow these guidelines to help ensure you get along well:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s01_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Anticipate problems before they happen.<\/strong> Think about things that you consider essential in your living environment and talk with a new roommate about these essentials.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Deal with any problem promptly.<\/strong> Don\u2019t wait until a behavior is well established before speaking up. It may be as simple as a roommate using your coffee cup or borrowing your toothpaste without asking, but if you say nothing,\u00a0the habit may expand to other things.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be patient, flexible, and willing to compromise.<\/strong> It may take a while for each of you to get used to each other and establish a communication pattern of openness.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be warm, use humor, and be sensitive.<\/strong> Telling someone that they\u2019re doing something bothersome can be very difficult for many people. Look for the best way to communicate what you feel.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Get out more.<\/strong> Sometimes it helps to spend more time elsewhere on campus, studying in the library or another quiet place. You just might need a certain amount of time alone.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">But What If You Really Have a Roommate Problem?<\/h2>\r\nIn some situations and with some people who will not compromise and do not respect you and your needs, a roommate can be a serious problem. In some circumstances, you may able to move to a different room. Room changes usually are not granted simply because you don\u2019t get along, but certain circumstances may justify a change. The following are some examples:\r\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\r\n\t<li>Your roommate smokes in the room.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate uses illegal drugs, drinks alcohol underage, or conducts other illegal activities in the room.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate repeatedly refuses to limit activities at any hour to allow you to sleep.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate does anything that threatens your physical well-being or safety.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate denies you your rights to practice your religion or other basic rights.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nIf you have a problem like this, first talk with your resident advisor (RA) or other residence hall authority. They will explain the process for a room change, if warranted, or other ways for managing the problem.\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-success\">\r\n<h3>Key\u00a0Takeaways<\/h3>\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>A rich, diverse social life is an important dimension of the college experience that contributes also to academic success.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Getting along with others involves communication skills and a willingness to interact with different people in a number of different ways.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Effective listening skills are as important as expressing yourself well verbally and nonverbally.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Because social interactions frequently involve conflicting values, behaviors, or ideas, it\u2019s important to respect others, stay open minded, be open to compromise, and understand how to resolve conflicts.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\r\n<h3>Exercises<\/h3>\r\n1. Where do you see yourself contributing to or hindering the success of a group?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n2. List three or four guidelines for interacting successfully with others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n3. You are talking after class with another student with whom you\u2019d like to be friends, but you\u2019re distracted by a test you have to study for. If you\u2019re not careful, what nonverbal communication signals might you accidentally send that could make the other person feel you are not friendly? Describe two or three nonverbal signals that could give the wrong impression.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n4. What are the best things to say when you\u2019re actively engaged in listening to another?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n5. What can you do if you have roommate issues?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143044\/campus-group.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-805 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143044\/campus-group.jpg\" alt=\"Campus team posed outdoors\" width=\"496\" height=\"330\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-highlight\">\n<h3>LEARNING OBJECTIVES<\/h3>\n<p>By the end of this section, you will be able to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Explain some of the benefits of collaboration and social interactions with a variety of people in the college environment.<\/li>\n<li>List personal characteristics and skills that contribute to\u00a0our ability to get along with others.<\/li>\n<li>Improve our communication skills.<\/li>\n<li>Describe how to successfully resolve a conflict with another person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<h2>Collaboration<\/h2>\n<p>Most college students\u00a0will be\u00a0required to work in groups in\u00a0various classes, and many workplace tasks\u00a0are accomplished through\u00a0committee work.\u00a0 Although\u00a0not without\u00a0challenges,\u00a0collaborating with others is a necessary life skill that has many benefits.<\/p>\n<h3>Some of the\u00a0Benefits of Collaboration<\/h3>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Provides more perspectives<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Lightens the load<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Produces better product<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Decreases loneliness and isolation<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Practices your interpersonal skills<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Builds tolerance<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Can be fun<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h3>A Few of the Challenges of Collaboration<\/h3>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Tasks\u00a0not\u00a0completed on time<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Ineffective communication<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Personality conflicts among team members<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Domineering group members<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Conflicting schedules<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Members not contributing equally to the group<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: center\">Inability to focus on a task because of too much socializing<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h2 class=\"im_section\">Interdependence<\/h2>\n<p>As humans beings\u00a0are social creatures.\u00a0 It&#8217;s in our nature to gravitate towards others, so we continually interact with other students and instructors. Our interaction with others\u00a0form a state of interdependence, and we can learn a great deal from these interactions.<\/p>\n<p>Because interacting with others is so important in college and career, it serves us well to continuously improve the skills that help us form good relationships and make the most of our experiences. Consider how these two college students are different:<\/p>\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\"><strong>John<\/strong> often arrives just as class is beginning and leaves immediately afterward. He makes little effort to talk with other students in the classroom, and after class he goes off to study alone or to his part-time job, where he spends most of his time at a computer screen. He is diligent in his studies and generally does well. After two months, he has not gotten to know his roommate very well, and he generally eats alone with a book in his hand. He stops by to see his instructors in their offices only if he missed a class due to illness, and on weekends and holidays he often hangs out at his parents\u2019 house or sees old friends.<\/div>\n<div class=\"textbox shaded\"><strong>Kim<\/strong> likes to get to class early and sits near others so they can talk about the reading for class or compare notes about assignments. She enjoys running into other students she knows from her classes and usually stops to chat. Although she is an older working student who lives alone off campus, she often dines in a campus caf\u00e9 and asks students she meets in her classes to join her. A few weeks into the term, she spent a weekend with a student from another country and learned much about a culture about which she had previously known little. If she feels she doesn\u2019t understand an important lecture topic very well, she gets to her instructor\u2019s office a few minutes ahead of office hours to avoid missing out by having to wait in line. After two months, she formed a study group with a couple other students to prepare for midterms.<\/div>\n<p>These students are very different. Which do you think is more fully enjoying the college experience? Which do you think is more likely to do well academically? Why?<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Recognize the Value of Social Interaction<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143037\/cafe.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-797\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143037\/cafe-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"cafe full of people\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a>Building good relationships is important for happiness and a successful college experience. College offers the opportunity to meet many people you would likely not meet otherwise. By making the most of this opportunity, you will gain a number of benefits:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Understanding of diverse other people and\u00a0how they think and\u00a0feel<\/li>\n<li>A heightened sense of your own identity<\/li>\n<li>Emotional comfort from friendships<\/li>\n<li>Intellectual and emotional\u00a0growth<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>College often offers an opportunity for new relationships and interactions with people who will challenge your thinking and help you become your best self.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Communication Skills<\/h2>\n<p>Communication is a means of connecting between people for the purpose of exchanging information, expressing feelings, or sharing ideas, and the\u00a0two-way communication process is at the core of almost all social interactions. Communication with others can profoundly affect our lives, especially what we think and feel and what and how we learn.<\/p>\n<p>Oral communication involves not only speech and listening, of course, but also <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">nonverbal communication, such as <\/span><\/span>facial expressions, tone of voice, and many other <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">body language<\/span><\/span> signals that affect the messages sent and received. Many experts\u00a0believe that most\u00a0people\u00a0pay more attention to how people say something than to what they are actually\u00a0saying. When the nonverbal message is inconsistent with the verbal message, miscommunication may occur.<\/p>\n<p>Remember that communication is a two-way process. involving both speaking and listening, so it&#8217;s imprtant to continually develop both skills. Here are some guidelines for how to actively listen:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Talk less to listen more.<\/strong> Most people naturally like to share their thoughts and feelings, and some people almost seem unable to stop talking long enough to ever listen to another person.\u00a0It&#8217;s important to listen actively. Focus on what the other person is saying, and avoid thinking about what you will say next.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Ask questions and provide feedback. <\/strong>Show your interest in\u00a0other people by asking them about things they are saying. Show your understand by saying things such as, \u201cSo you\u2019re saying . . .\u201d or asking a question that demonstrates you\u2019ve been following what they\u2019re saying and want to know more.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Watch and respond to the other person\u2019s body language.<\/strong> You\u2019ll learn much more about their feelings for what they\u2019re saying than if you listen only to their words.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Show the other person that you\u2019re really listening and that you care.<\/strong> Make eye contact and respond appropriately with nods and brief comments such as, \u201cThat\u2019s interesting!\u201d or \u201cI know what you mean\u201d or \u201cReally?\u201d Be friendly, smile when appropriate, and encourage the person to keep speaking.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As you learn to improve your listening skills, think also about what you are saying yourself and how you are saying it. Here are additional guidelines for effective speaking:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s04_l02\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be honest, but don\u2019t be critical<\/strong>. Strongly disagreeing may only put the other person on the defensive. You can disagree, but be respectful. Consider saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know, I think that maybe it\u2019s . . . &#8221; or &#8220;My understanding is . . .&#8221; instead of &#8220;That&#8217;s wrong!&#8221; or something similar.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Look for common ground.<\/strong> Make sure your side of a conversation relates to what the other person is saying and focus on what you have in common.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Avoid sarcasm or making jokes unless you know the person well.<\/strong> Sarcasm and humor can be easily misunderstood.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Know your audience.<\/strong> We do not speak to our parents or instructors the exact same way we speak to our closest friends or\u00a0someone we\u00a0just met. Adjust your language and tone appropriately.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Remember that<\/strong> <strong><span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">assertive communication<\/span><\/span> <\/strong><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">is better than passive or aggressive communication.<\/strong>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Assertive<\/strong> in this context means\u00a0to be\u00a0honest and direct in stating your ideas and thoughts; you are confident and clear and willing to discuss your ideas while still respecting the thoughts and ideas of others.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Passive<\/strong> communicators are reluctant to speak up, seems to agree with everything others say, hesitates to say anything that others might disagree with.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\"><strong>Aggressive<\/strong> communication <\/span><\/span>is often highly critical of the thoughts and ideas of others and\u00a0may be sarcastic, emotional, and even insulting.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Choose your conversations wisely.<\/strong> Recognize that you don\u2019t have to engage in all conversations. Make it your goal to form relationships and engage in interactions that help you learn and grow as a person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Roommate Issues<\/h2>\n<p>You might live on\u00a0campus in a residence hall or share an apartment with new roommates. This may be the first time you have had to share a room, suite, or apartment with others who are not family members, and this situation may lead to conflicts and strong feelings that can affect your academic success.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143043\/dorm.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-801\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/04\/21143043\/dorm-300x228.jpg\" alt=\"Two women in dorm room\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" \/><\/a>As in other interactions, the keys to forming a good relationship with a roommate are communication and attitude. From the beginning, you should talk about everyone\u2019s expectations of the other(s) and what matters most to you about where you live. Don\u2019t wait until problems happen before talking. It\u2019s often good to begin with the key practical issues:\u00a0quiet hours for study, time for lights out, neatness and cleaning up, and shared and private possessions.<\/p>\n<p>Show respect for their ideas and possessions, respect their privacy, and try to listen more than you talk. Even if your roommate does not become a close friend, you can have a harmonious, successful relationship that makes your residence a good home for both of you. Follow these guidelines to help ensure you get along well:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s01_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Anticipate problems before they happen.<\/strong> Think about things that you consider essential in your living environment and talk with a new roommate about these essentials.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Deal with any problem promptly.<\/strong> Don\u2019t wait until a behavior is well established before speaking up. It may be as simple as a roommate using your coffee cup or borrowing your toothpaste without asking, but if you say nothing,\u00a0the habit may expand to other things.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be patient, flexible, and willing to compromise.<\/strong> It may take a while for each of you to get used to each other and establish a communication pattern of openness.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Be warm, use humor, and be sensitive.<\/strong> Telling someone that they\u2019re doing something bothersome can be very difficult for many people. Look for the best way to communicate what you feel.<\/li>\n<li><strong class=\"im_emphasis im_bold\">Get out more.<\/strong> Sometimes it helps to spend more time elsewhere on campus, studying in the library or another quiet place. You just might need a certain amount of time alone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">But What If You Really Have a Roommate Problem?<\/h2>\n<p>In some situations and with some people who will not compromise and do not respect you and your needs, a roommate can be a serious problem. In some circumstances, you may able to move to a different room. Room changes usually are not granted simply because you don\u2019t get along, but certain circumstances may justify a change. The following are some examples:<\/p>\n<ul id=\"lochhaas-ch09_s01_s07_s02_l01\" class=\"im_itemizedlist im_editable im_block\">\n<li>Your roommate smokes in the room.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate uses illegal drugs, drinks alcohol underage, or conducts other illegal activities in the room.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate repeatedly refuses to limit activities at any hour to allow you to sleep.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate does anything that threatens your physical well-being or safety.<\/li>\n<li>Your roommate denies you your rights to practice your religion or other basic rights.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you have a problem like this, first talk with your resident advisor (RA) or other residence hall authority. They will explain the process for a room change, if warranted, or other ways for managing the problem.<\/p>\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-success\">\n<h3>Key\u00a0Takeaways<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>A rich, diverse social life is an important dimension of the college experience that contributes also to academic success.<\/li>\n<li>Getting along with others involves communication skills and a willingness to interact with different people in a number of different ways.<\/li>\n<li>Effective listening skills are as important as expressing yourself well verbally and nonverbally.<\/li>\n<li>Because social interactions frequently involve conflicting values, behaviors, or ideas, it\u2019s important to respect others, stay open minded, be open to compromise, and understand how to resolve conflicts.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\n<h3>Exercises<\/h3>\n<p>1. Where do you see yourself contributing to or hindering the success of a group?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>2. List three or four guidelines for interacting successfully with others.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>3. You are talking after class with another student with whom you\u2019d like to be friends, but you\u2019re distracted by a test you have to study for. If you\u2019re not careful, what nonverbal communication signals might you accidentally send that could make the other person feel you are not friendly? Describe two or three nonverbal signals that could give the wrong impression.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>4. What are the best things to say when you\u2019re actively engaged in listening to another?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>5. What can you do if you have roommate issues?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t <section class=\"citations-section\" role=\"contentinfo\">\n\t\t\t <h3>Candela Citations<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t <div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <div id=\"citation-list-111\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div class=\"licensing\"><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Original<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>Revision and adaptation. <strong>Provided by<\/strong>: Monroe Community College. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.monroecc.edu\">http:\/\/www.monroecc.edu<\/a>. <strong>Project<\/strong>: College Orientation and Success. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em>. <strong>License Terms<\/strong>: Monroe contributes its revision and adaptation under the same license as the original work.<\/li><\/ul><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Shared previously<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>Success in College. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: anonymous. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/\">http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of cafe. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Steve McClanahan. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/qq2Qeg\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/qq2Qeg<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC: Attribution-NonCommercial<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of conversation on steps. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: OlBrug. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/8iFJa5\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/8iFJa5<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of fraternity house. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Ross Griff. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/aqpqCk\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/aqpqCk<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by\/4.0\/\">CC BY: Attribution<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Image of college roommates. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Ken Colwell. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/5XBZcS\">https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/5XBZcS<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t <\/section>","protected":false},"author":9,"menu_order":3,"template":"","meta":{"_candela_citation":"[{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Success in College\",\"author\":\"anonymous\",\"organization\":\"\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"cc-by-nc-sa\",\"license_terms\":\"\"},{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Image of cafe\",\"author\":\"Steve McClanahan\",\"organization\":\"\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/qq2Qeg\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"cc-by-nc\",\"license_terms\":\"\"},{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Image of conversation on steps\",\"author\":\"OlBrug\",\"organization\":\"\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/flic.kr\/p\/8iFJa5\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"cc-by-nc-sa\",\"license_terms\":\"\"},{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Image of 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