{"id":1679,"date":"2015-06-15T20:27:09","date_gmt":"2015-06-15T20:27:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/courses.candelalearning.com\/collegesuccess2x30master\/?post_type=chapter&#038;p=1679"},"modified":"2015-07-06T15:35:26","modified_gmt":"2015-07-06T15:35:26","slug":"dealing-with-conflict","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/chapter\/dealing-with-conflict\/","title":{"raw":"Dealing with Conflict","rendered":"Dealing with Conflict"},"content":{"raw":"<h2>Resolving Conflicts<\/h2>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/07\/21143122\/handshake-220233__180.jpg\"><img class=\"  wp-image-2837 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/07\/21143122\/handshake-220233__180.jpg\" alt=\"handshake-220233__180\" width=\"292\" height=\"213\" \/><\/a>Conflict among people who are interacting\u00a0is natural. Because it can\u00a0be\u00a0challenging to\u00a0navigate differences in opinions, ideas, emotions, and behaviors, it is important to understand how conflict happens and how it can be resolved.\r\n\r\nHere are just a few examples of conflicts that\u00a0can occur among college students:\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>Your roommate is playing loud music in your room, and you need some quiet to study for a test.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>You want to have a nice dinner out, but your spouse wants to save the money to buy new furniture.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your instructor gave you a C on a paper because it lacks some of the required elements, but you feel it deserves a better grade because you think it accomplished more important goals.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Your babysitter cancelled again and you have an important exam.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nHow can such conflicts be resolved? To resolve conflict in a way that doesn't leave one or more of the people involved feeling negative about the outcome, two things are necessary: the right attitude and effective communication.\r\n\r\nA conflict cannot be resolved satisfactorily unless all people involved\u00a0approach it with\u00a0an\u00a0appropriate attitude:\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li><strong>Respect the options and behaviors of others.<\/strong> Accept that people are not all alike and learn to celebrate\u00a0differences. Most situations do not involve a single right or wrong answer.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Be open minded.<\/strong> Just because at first you are sure that that you are right, do not close the door to other possibilities. Look at the other\u2019s point of view. Be open to change even when that means accepting constructive criticism.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Calm down.<\/strong>\u00a0It is very difficult to work together to resolve a conflict while you\u2019re still feeling strong emotions. Agree\u00a0to wait until you\u2019re both able to discuss the conflict without strong emotions.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Recognize the value of compromise.<\/strong> Even if you disagree after calmly talking over an issue, accept that as a human reality and understand compromise may be necessary in order to get along with others.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nIt is equally important to practice effective communication skills:\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li><strong>Use \u201cI statements\u201d rather than \u201cyou statements\" when each party explains what bothers him or her about the cause of the conflict.<\/strong> For example, don\u2019t say, \u201cYou\u2019re always playing loud music when I\u2019m trying to study.\u201d Instead, say, \u201cI have difficulty studying when you play loud music, and that makes me frustrated and irritable.\u201d You statements put the other person on the defensive and evoke emotions that make resolution more difficult.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Listen carefully to what the other person says.<\/strong> Then restate the message in your own words to give the other a chance to clarify their thoughts and feelings. Each party should listen to the other and restate the other\u2019s message to ensure the real issue is out on the table for discussion.\u00a0 Don't forget to pay attention to\u00a0body language and ask questions for clarification.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Accept responsibility for your role in the conflict, instead of blaming the other.<\/strong> A good example of accepting responsibility is to say, \u201cI know I\u2019m always studying and need the quiet. I guess that makes it hard for you to listen to your music.\u201d<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Brainstorm together to find a solution that satisfies both of you.<\/strong> Some compromise is usually needed, but that is usually not difficult to reach when you\u2019re calm and working together on a solution. In this example, you might compromise by going elsewhere to study at selected times when the other\u00a0person wants to listen to music, and the other person\u00a0may compromise by agreeing to never play music\u00a0after 10 pm\u00a0or\u00a0use headphones.<\/li>\r\n\t<li><strong>Apologize, thank, and forgive.<\/strong> After reaching a resolution, emotional closure is needed to restore your relationship and end on a positive, affirming note. When appropriate, apologize for your past anger or arguing. Thank the other person\u00a0for being willing to compromise to resolve the conflict. In your mind, forgive the person for past misunderstandings and actions so that you do not carry any grudge into the future.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nSometimes there seems to be no resolution.\u00a0It happens on occasion that\u00a0the other person may\u00a0refuse to even try to work out a solution. Regrettably, not everyone on or off campus is open to other perspectives, so with some interpersonal conflicts, you may simply have to decide not to see that person anymore or find other ways to avoid the conflict in the future. However, most conflicts can be solved among adults, and it\u2019s seldom a good solution to run away from a problem.\r\n\r\nLearning strategies to resolve conflict will help you in college and in your future career and increases the chances you'll be happy with your life.\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\r\n<h3>Exercise<\/h3>\r\nWhat is one conflict you are experiencing right now? What do you think is the other person's perspective? What responsibility do you bear in this situation?\u00a0What I-statements could you use to begin resolving that conflict? When\u00a0and where will you engage in that conversation?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"<h2>Resolving Conflicts<\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/07\/21143122\/handshake-220233__180.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2837 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/560\/2015\/07\/21143122\/handshake-220233__180.jpg\" alt=\"handshake-220233__180\" width=\"292\" height=\"213\" \/><\/a>Conflict among people who are interacting\u00a0is natural. Because it can\u00a0be\u00a0challenging to\u00a0navigate differences in opinions, ideas, emotions, and behaviors, it is important to understand how conflict happens and how it can be resolved.<\/p>\n<p>Here are just a few examples of conflicts that\u00a0can occur among college students:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Your roommate is playing loud music in your room, and you need some quiet to study for a test.<\/li>\n<li>You want to have a nice dinner out, but your spouse wants to save the money to buy new furniture.<\/li>\n<li>Your instructor gave you a C on a paper because it lacks some of the required elements, but you feel it deserves a better grade because you think it accomplished more important goals.<\/li>\n<li>Your babysitter cancelled again and you have an important exam.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>How can such conflicts be resolved? To resolve conflict in a way that doesn&#8217;t leave one or more of the people involved feeling negative about the outcome, two things are necessary: the right attitude and effective communication.<\/p>\n<p>A conflict cannot be resolved satisfactorily unless all people involved\u00a0approach it with\u00a0an\u00a0appropriate attitude:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Respect the options and behaviors of others.<\/strong> Accept that people are not all alike and learn to celebrate\u00a0differences. Most situations do not involve a single right or wrong answer.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be open minded.<\/strong> Just because at first you are sure that that you are right, do not close the door to other possibilities. Look at the other\u2019s point of view. Be open to change even when that means accepting constructive criticism.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Calm down.<\/strong>\u00a0It is very difficult to work together to resolve a conflict while you\u2019re still feeling strong emotions. Agree\u00a0to wait until you\u2019re both able to discuss the conflict without strong emotions.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Recognize the value of compromise.<\/strong> Even if you disagree after calmly talking over an issue, accept that as a human reality and understand compromise may be necessary in order to get along with others.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>It is equally important to practice effective communication skills:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Use \u201cI statements\u201d rather than \u201cyou statements&#8221; when each party explains what bothers him or her about the cause of the conflict.<\/strong> For example, don\u2019t say, \u201cYou\u2019re always playing loud music when I\u2019m trying to study.\u201d Instead, say, \u201cI have difficulty studying when you play loud music, and that makes me frustrated and irritable.\u201d You statements put the other person on the defensive and evoke emotions that make resolution more difficult.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Listen carefully to what the other person says.<\/strong> Then restate the message in your own words to give the other a chance to clarify their thoughts and feelings. Each party should listen to the other and restate the other\u2019s message to ensure the real issue is out on the table for discussion.\u00a0 Don&#8217;t forget to pay attention to\u00a0body language and ask questions for clarification.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Accept responsibility for your role in the conflict, instead of blaming the other.<\/strong> A good example of accepting responsibility is to say, \u201cI know I\u2019m always studying and need the quiet. I guess that makes it hard for you to listen to your music.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Brainstorm together to find a solution that satisfies both of you.<\/strong> Some compromise is usually needed, but that is usually not difficult to reach when you\u2019re calm and working together on a solution. In this example, you might compromise by going elsewhere to study at selected times when the other\u00a0person wants to listen to music, and the other person\u00a0may compromise by agreeing to never play music\u00a0after 10 pm\u00a0or\u00a0use headphones.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Apologize, thank, and forgive.<\/strong> After reaching a resolution, emotional closure is needed to restore your relationship and end on a positive, affirming note. When appropriate, apologize for your past anger or arguing. Thank the other person\u00a0for being willing to compromise to resolve the conflict. In your mind, forgive the person for past misunderstandings and actions so that you do not carry any grudge into the future.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Sometimes there seems to be no resolution.\u00a0It happens on occasion that\u00a0the other person may\u00a0refuse to even try to work out a solution. Regrettably, not everyone on or off campus is open to other perspectives, so with some interpersonal conflicts, you may simply have to decide not to see that person anymore or find other ways to avoid the conflict in the future. However, most conflicts can be solved among adults, and it\u2019s seldom a good solution to run away from a problem.<\/p>\n<p>Learning strategies to resolve conflict will help you in college and in your future career and increases the chances you&#8217;ll be happy with your life.<\/p>\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\n<h3>Exercise<\/h3>\n<p>What is one conflict you are experiencing right now? What do you think is the other person&#8217;s perspective? What responsibility do you bear in this situation?\u00a0What I-statements could you use to begin resolving that conflict? When\u00a0and where will you engage in that conversation?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t <section class=\"citations-section\" role=\"contentinfo\">\n\t\t\t <h3>Candela Citations<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t <div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <div id=\"citation-list-1679\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div class=\"licensing\"><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Original<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>Revision and adaptation. <strong>Provided by<\/strong>: Monroe Community College. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.monroecc.edu\">http:\/\/www.monroecc.edu<\/a>. <strong>Project<\/strong>: College Orientation and Success. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em>. <strong>License Terms<\/strong>: Monroe contributes its revision and adaptation under the same license as the original work.<\/li><\/ul><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Shared previously<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>Success in College. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: anonymous. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/\">http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><li>Handshake. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Aidan Jones. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/aidan_jones\/3575000735\">http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/aidan_jones\/3575000735<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-SA: Attribution-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t <\/section>","protected":false},"author":1208,"menu_order":4,"template":"","meta":{"_candela_citation":"[{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Success in College\",\"author\":\"anonymous\",\"organization\":\"\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"cc-by-nc-sa\",\"license_terms\":\"\"},{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Handshake\",\"author\":\"Aidan Jones\",\"organization\":\"\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/aidan_jones\/3575000735\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"cc-by-sa\",\"license_terms\":\"\"},{\"type\":\"original\",\"description\":\"Revision and adaptation\",\"author\":\"\",\"organization\":\"Monroe Community College\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.monroecc.edu\",\"project\":\"College Orientation and Success\",\"license\":\"cc-by-nc-sa\",\"license_terms\":\"Monroe contributes its revision and adaptation under the same license as the original work.\"}]","CANDELA_OUTCOMES_GUID":"","pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-1679","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry"],"part":595,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/1679","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1208"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/1679\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2843,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/1679\/revisions\/2843"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/595"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/1679\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=1679"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=1679"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/monroe-collegesuccess-thirdedition\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=1679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}