Why Eliminate Unnecessary Words?
As you edit, ask yourself whether you are using several words when there’s one that would suffice. At the same time, note how your sentence structure contributes to the number of words used; be careful of turning a single sentence into a paragraph by stringing together too many ideas. Findings from Goddard (1989) suggest that sentence length is related to reader comprehension: between 20 and 25 words is the maximum for solid comprehension. [1] Remember, your goal is not to make all of your sentences short, but to to convey your ideas clearly and unambiguously. Eliminating unnecessary words can help you do that.
| Sentence Length | Comprehension Rate |
|---|---|
| 8 words | 100% |
| 15 words | 90% |
| 19 words | 80% |
| 28 words | 50% |
Example: Editing to Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Read the following two examples, which offer an initial and a final version of the first two paragraphs of a proposal to institute a certificate in professional communications. [2]
initial draft
Proposed Title: Certificate in Professional Communication
Rationale and Need for a Certificate in Professional Communication
Rationale: Communication is one of the most desirable attributes in a new hire. In the The National Association of Colleges and Employers’ conducted a survey of 201 employers to see what attributes they look for in prospective employees. Written communication was rated 1st (80.3 % of respondents) and oral communication was rated 7th (67.5%), out of twenty soft skills listed in the survey. It is also noted that interpersonal skills, which is an important communication sub-field, was listed 12th (Jobs Outlook 2019). It was also found in LinkedIn’s 2019 annual report, which focuses on what employers’ desire in an employee (LinkedIn is the largest social networking site for employers and prospective employees) that persuasion is the second most desirable soft skill, which is communication at its essence. Further, corporate communications was listed as a hard skill coming in at number 25th.
As well as this data, Gustein and Sviokla (July 2018) wrote in Harvard Business Review that communication is one skill that will not become automated in the future. Their argument is that to keep a competitive advantage people are needed to construct a compelling story using evidence algorithm cannot easily replicate the nature of storytelling. The authors explain how communication, context, content, emotional competence, teaching, connections, and an ethical compass are skills that can only be fulfilled by human employees. People are needed to build these stories and disperse them through their networks and digitally. These skills are what employers want because, for now, these cannot be automated; machines cannot read nuances that are necessary to create good messaging for a company. Therefore, as educators, we will want to ensure that our students are prepared for this business world.
final version
Proposed Certificate in Professional Communication
Rationale for Professional Communication Certificate
Employer Needs
Communication is one of the most desirable attributes in a new hire. In the The National Association of Colleges and Employers’ survey of 201 employers. Written communication was rated 1st (80.3 % of respondents), oral communication was rated 7th (67.5%), and interpersonal skills, an important communication sub-field, was listed 12th out of twenty soft skills desired in prospective employees (Jobs Outlook 2019). LinkedIn’s 2019 annual report identifies persuasion as the second most desirable soft skill, and persuasion is communication at its essence.
The need for workers who can communicate effectively is not expected to change. Gustein and Sviokla (July 2018) argue that communication is one skill that will not become automated in the future; machines cannot read nuances that are necessary to create good messaging for a company. To keep a competitive advantage, people need to construct a compelling story using evidence, and an algorithm cannot easily replicate the nature of storytelling (Harvard Business Review). Therefore, as educators, we want to ensure that our students are prepared for this business world.
The first draft is strong in content, but uses more words than needed to get its point across. That’s often what happens in first drafts, when you’re concerned as a writer with recording all important ideas and information. The final version is more succinct, eliminating extra words but maintaining important content for the audience of state education professionals who review and approve certifications. The final version makes its point more directly, so that readers can move on to read different sections about career prospects, academic niche, enrollment projections, and all of the other categories of information the state requires for requesting academic certificates.
Here’s how the group writing the proposal got from draft to final version:
Proposed Title: Certificate in Professional Communication
Rationale and Need for a Certificate in Professional Communication
Employer Needs
Rationale: Communication is one of the most desirable attributes in a new hire. In the The National Association of Colleges and Employers’ conducted a survey of 201 employers to see what attributes they look for in prospective employees. Written communication was rated 1st (80.3 % of respondents) and oral communication was rated 7th (67.5%), and interpersonal skills, an important communication sub-field, was listed 12th out of twenty soft skills desired in prospective employees. listed in the survey. It is also noted that interpersonal skills, which is an important communication sub-field, was listed 12th (Jobs Outlook 2019). It was also found in LinkedIn’s 2019 annual report, which focuses on what employers’ desire in an employee (LinkedIn is the largest social networking site for employers and prospective employees) that identifies persuasion as is the second most desirable soft skill, and persuasion which is communication at its essence. Further, corporate communications was listed as a hard skill coming in at number 25th.
As well as this data, The need for workers who can communicate effectively is not expected to change. Gustein and Sviokla (July 2018) argue that wrote in Harvard Business Review that communication is one skill that will not become automated in the future; machines cannot read nuances that are necessary to create good messaging for a company. Their argument is that To keep a competitive advantage, people are needed to construct a compelling story using evidence, and an algorithm cannot easily replicate the nature of storytelling (Harvard Business Review). The authors explain how communication, context, content, emotional competence, teaching, connections, and an ethical compass are skills that can only be fulfilled by human employees. People are needed to build these stories and disperse them through their networks and digitally. These skills are what employers want because, for now, these cannot be automated; machines cannot read nuances that are necessary to create good messaging for a company. Therefore, as educators, we will want to ensure that our students are prepared for this business world.
The edits shown above represent many of the techniques you can use to eliminate unnecessary words, which can move your audience away from listening, reading, or engaging fully with your ideas. Whether their reaction is conscious or not on your audience’s part, audiences do appreciate concise communications.
How to Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Replace abstract nouns with verbs
Verbs, more than nouns, help convey ideas concisely, so where possible, avoid using nouns derived from verbs. Often these abstract nouns end in –tion and –ment. See examples in the following table.
| Abstract Noun | Verb |
| acquisition | acquire |
| analysis | analyze |
| recommendation | recommend |
| observation | observe |
| application | apply |
| confirmation | confirm |
| development | develop |
| ability | able, can |
| assessment | assess |
Replace long words and phrases with shorter, simpler words and phrases
The goal is to communicate directly and plainly so use short, direct words whenever possible. Write to express, not impress.
| Long | Short |
| cognizant, be cognizant of | aware, know |
| commence, commencement | begin, beginning |
| utilize, utilization | use |
| inquire, make an inquiry | ask |
| finalize, finalization | complete, end |
| afford an opportunity to | permit, allow |
| at this point in time | now, currently |
| due to the fact that | because |
| has the ability to | can |
Avoid cluttered constructions
This category includes redundancies, repetitions, and “there is/are” and “it is” constructions.
| Instead of this | Use this |
| continue on | continue |
| join together | join |
| years of age | years |
| end result | result |
| rough estimate | estimate |
| further enhance | enhance |
| gather together | gather |
| carefully consider | consider |
| mutual agreement | agreement |
| need and reasons for the proposed change in process | reasons for the proposed change |
| There is a person I know who can fix your computer. | I know a person who can fix your computer. |
| There is a button you need to press that is red and says “stop.” | Press the red “stop” button. |
| There are some people who enjoy disrupting meetings. | Some people enjoy disrupting meetings. |
Use accurate wording
Sometimes this requires more words instead of fewer, so do not sacrifice clarity for concision. Make sure your words convey the meaning you intend.
- Avoid using words that have several possible meanings; do not leave room for ambiguity or alternate interpretations of your ideas. Keep in mind that readers tend to choose literal meanings, so avoid language that can be interpreted in different ways (e.g., “decent” might have different meanings to different audience members).
- Separate facts from opinions by using phrases such as “I recommend,” or “in our group’s opinion.”
- Avoid absolutes such as never, always, or none, unless you are certain that they accurately represent the facts of a situation (which is almost never).
- Do not overuse intensifiers that strengthen the meaning of other words, such as extremely, fundamentally, or actually. Overuse may make your communication less believable as well as more wordy.
- Do not overuse qualifiers, which are often used to refine meaning (e.g., the results apparently show that…). Overuse may make your audience question your accuracy as well as make your communication more wordy. The University of North Carolina has a useful handout on Qualifiers.
Note that it’s fine to use intensifiers and qualifiers sometimes, as appropriate. Just do not overuse them, as overuse contributes to unnecessary words.
| Overused Intensifiers | Overused Qualifiers |
| absolutely | apparently |
| actually | basically |
| clearly | essentially |
| definitely | generally |
| naturally | overall |
| in fact | in effect |
| significantly | perhaps |
| very | somewhat |
| fundamentally | quite |
For a comprehensive list of words and phrases that should be used with caution, see Kim Blank’s “Wordiness, Wordiness, Wordiness List.”
The following two videos provide definitions and tips for eliminating unnecessary “longwindedness” and writing concise sentences.
add something on readability here? Flesch-Kincaid readability index? free tools to check? http://www.readabilityformulas.com/flesch-grade-level-readability-formula.php
[1] http://sites.utexas.edu/legalwriting/2015/04/29/manage-your-sentence-length-2/
[2] Oaks, Tcherepashenets, Winn, Young. Rationale for Professional Communication Certificate. Used with permission.
