{"id":107,"date":"2014-07-25T21:39:08","date_gmt":"2014-07-25T21:39:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/courses.candelalearning.com\/englishforbusiness\/?post_type=chapter&#038;p=107"},"modified":"2015-02-02T20:30:47","modified_gmt":"2015-02-02T20:30:47","slug":"12-3-style-revisions","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/chapter\/12-3-style-revisions\/","title":{"raw":"Style Revisions","rendered":"Style Revisions"},"content":{"raw":"<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-highlight\">\r\n<h3>LEARNING OBJECTIVE<\/h3>\r\nBy the end of this section, you will be able to:\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>Discuss and demonstrate the use of twelve points to consider for style revisions.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div class=\"im_section\">\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_n01\" class=\"im_learning_objectives im_editable im_block\">\r\n<p class=\"im_title\">You know the difference between cloudy and clear water, but can you tell when your writing is cloudy, when meaning is hidden in shadows, when the message you are trying to communicate is obscured by the style you use to present it? Water filtration involves removing particulates, harmful inorganic and organic materials, and clarifying the water. In the same way, the revision process requires filtration. You may come across word choices you thought were appropriate at the time or notice words you thought you wrote but are absent, and the revision process will start to produce results. Some words and sentence constructions will be harmful to the effective delivery and require attention. Some transitions fail to show the connections between thoughts and need to be changed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\nAnother way of conceptualizing the revision process in general and the clarifying process specifically is the common reference to a diamond in the rough. Like muddy water, diamonds do not come to have significant value until they have had their rough edges removed, have received expert polish, and been evaluated for clarity. Your attention to this important process will bring the value quotient of your writing up as it begins to more accurately communicate intended meaning. As we\u2019ve discussed before, now is not the time to lose momentum. Just the opposite, now is the time to make your writing shine.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/299\/2015\/02\/20165655\/buswriting17.jpg\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-659 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/299\/2015\/02\/20165655\/buswriting17-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"diamond in the rough\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" \/><\/a>\r\n\r\nHere we will discuss several strategies to help clarify your writing style. If you have made wise word choices, the then next step to clarifying your document is to take it sentence by sentence. Each sentence should stand on its own, but each sentence is also interdependent on all other sentences in your document. These strategies will require significant attention to detail and an awareness of grammar that might not be your area of strength, but the more you practice them the more they will become good habits that will enhance your writing.\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Break Up Long Sentences<\/h2>\r\nBy revising long sentences you can often increase the overall clarity of your document. To do this, let\u2019s start off with one strategy that will produce immediate results. Count the number of conjunctions in your document. Word processing programs will often perform a search for a specific a word and for our use, \u201cand\u201d will do just fine. Simple sentences often become compound and complex through the use of the word \u201cand.\u201d The further the subject, the action, and the modifiers or descriptions are from one another is directly related to the complexity of the sentence, increasing the probability of reader error and misunderstandings. Look for the word \u201cand\u201d and evaluate whether the sentence has two complete thoughts or ideas. Does it try to join two dissimilar ideas or ones better off on their own?\r\n\r\nIn prose, and your expository writing classes, you may have learned that complex sentences can communicate emotions, settings, and scenes that evoke a sense of place and time with your reading audience. In business writing, our goals aim more toward precision and the elimination of error; a good business document won\u2019t read like a college essay. A professor may have advised you to avoid short, choppy writing. Are we asking you to do something along those lines? No. Choppy writing is hard to follow, but simple, clear writing does the job with a minimum of fuss and without decoration.\r\n\r\nIn their best-selling book <em class=\"im_emphasis\">The Elements of Style<\/em>, William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White<span id=\"mcleanbuseng-fn12_003\" class=\"im_footnote\">\u00a0(1979)\u00a0<\/span>emphasize clarity as a central goal. However, the following is one of their rules: \u201cDo not break sentences in two.\u201d As effective business writers we would agree with this rule, and while it may seem to contradict the preceding paragraph, let\u2019s consider what they mean by that rule. They encourage writers to avoid sentence fragments by refraining from using a period where the sentence needs a comma. That means that an independent clause should be connected to a dependent clause when necessary, and as we\u2019ve discussed previously, a comma and a conjunction are appropriate for the task. The sentence fragment cannot stand alone, so we would agree with the rule as written.\r\n\r\nBut we would also qualify its use: when you have two long and awkward independent clauses that form an unwieldy sentence, it may indeed be better to divide the clauses into two independent sentences. Your skill as a business writer is required to balance the needs of the sentence to communicate meaning with your understanding of audience expectations, and clarity often involves concise sentences.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s02\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Revise Big Words and Long Phrases<\/h2>\r\nBig words can clutter your writing with needless jargon that may be a barrier to many readers. Even if you know your audience has significant education and training in a field, you may need to include definitions and examples as effective strategies to communicate meaning. Don\u2019t confuse simple writing with simplistic writing. Your task will almost certainly not require an elementary approach for new readers, but it may very well require attention to words and the degree to which they contribute to, or detract from, the communication of your intended message. Long noun sequences, often used as descriptive phrases, can be one example of how writing can reduce clarity. If you need to describe a noun, use a phrase that modifies the noun clearly, with commas to offset for example, to enhance clarity.\r\n\r\nAnother long phrase to watch out for is often located in the introduction. Long preambles can make the sentence awkward and will require revision. Sentences that start with \u201cIt is\u201d or \u201cThere are\u201d can often be shortened or made clearer through revision.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s03\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Evaluate Long Prepositional Phrases<\/h2>\r\nA <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">prepositional phrase<\/span><\/span> is a phrase composed of a preposition (a \u201cwhere\u201d word; a word that indicates location) and its object, which may be a noun, a pronoun, or a clause. Some examples of simple prepositional phrases include \u201cwith Tom,\u201d \u201cbefore me,\u201d and \u201cinside the building security perimeter.\u201d\r\n\r\nPrepositional phrases are necessary\u2014it would be difficult to write without them\u2014but some add to the bottom line word count without adding much to the sentence. Bureaucratic writing often uses this technique in an attempt to make a sentence sound important, but the effort usually has the undesirable dual effects of obscuring meaning and sounding pompous.\r\n<div class=\"im_informaltable im_block\">\r\n<table cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\">\r\n<thead>\r\n<tr>\r\n<th>Examples<\/th>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/thead>\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>The 1040 Form will <em class=\"im_emphasis\">in all certainty<\/em> serve the majority of our customers.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>The 1040 Form will <em class=\"im_emphasis\">certainly<\/em> serve the majority of our customers.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<\/div>\r\nThe revision places an adverb in place of a long prepositional phrase and allows for a reduction in the word count while strengthening the sentence.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s04\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Delete Repetitious Words<\/h2>\r\nSome level of repetition is to be expected and can be beneficial. It is also important to be consistent in your use of words when precise terminology is appropriate. However, needless repetition can make your document less than vigorous and discourage readers. For example, use of the word \u201csaid\u201d when attributing dialogue is acceptable a couple of times, but if it is the only word you use, it will lose its impact quickly. People can \u201cindicate,\u201d \u201cpoint out,\u201d \u201cshare,\u201d and \u201cmention\u201d as easily as they can \u201csay\u201d words or phrases. Synonyms are useful in avoiding the boredom of repetition.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s05\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Eliminate Archaic Expressions or References<\/h2>\r\nSome writing has been ritualized to the point of clich\u00e9 and has lost its impact. For example, consider \u201cHeretofore, we have discussed the goal of omitting needless words.\u201d <em class=\"im_emphasis\">Heretofore<\/em> is an outdated word that could easily be cut from the previous sentence. Another example is \u201cas per your request for documents that emphasize clarity and reduce reader error.\u201d Feel free to eliminate <em class=\"im_emphasis\">as per your request<\/em> from your word choices.\r\n\r\nSimilar to outdated words and phrases, some references are equally outdated. While it is important to recognize leaders in a field, and this text does include references to pioneers in the field of communication, it also focuses on current research and concepts. Without additional clarification and examples, readers may not understand references to an author long since passed even though he or she made an important contribution to the field. For example, Shannon and Weaver pioneered the linear model of communication that revolutionized our understanding of interaction and contributed to computer interfaces as we know them today (McLean, 2005).\u00a0However, if we mention them without explaining how their work relates to our current context, we may lose our readers. Similarly, references to films like <em class=\"im_emphasis\">My Fair Lady<\/em> may well be less understood than the use of <em class=\"im_emphasis\">The Princess Diaries<\/em> as an example of the transformative process the lead characters undergo, from rough, street-smart women to formally educated, polished members of the elite.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s06\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Avoid Fillers<\/h2>\r\nLike, you know, like, you know what I mean, ahh, umm, and all the fillers you may use or hear in oral communication have, well, little or no place in the written representation of the spoken word. Review your writing for extra words that serve the written equivalent of \u201clike\u201d and omit them. They do not serve you as an author, and do not serve the reading audience.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s07\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Eliminate Slang<\/h2>\r\nMany college professors can give examples of e-mails they have received from students that use all the modern characteristics of instant message and text abbreviation combined with a complete disregard for any norms of grammar or spelling, resulting in nearly incomprehensible messages. If your goal is to be professional, and the audience expectations do not include the use of slang, then it is inappropriate to include it in your document. Eliminate slang as you would a jargon term that serves as a barrier to understanding meaning. Not everyone will understand your slang word no more than they would a highly specialized term, and it will defeat your purpose. Norms for capitalization and punctuation that are routinely abandoned in efficient text messages or tweets are necessary and required in professional documents. Finally, there is no place in reputable business writing for offensive slang or profanity.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s08\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Evaluate Clich\u00e9s<\/h2>\r\nClich\u00e9s are words or phrases that through their overuse have lost their impact. That definition does not imply they have lost their meaning, and sometimes a well-placed clich\u00e9 can communicate a message effectively. \u201cActions speak louder than words\u201d is a clich\u00e9, but its five words speak volumes that many of your readers will recognize. This appeal to familiarity can be an effective strategy to communicate, but use it carefully. Excessive reliance on clich\u00e9s will make your writing trite, while eliminating them altogether may not serve you well either. As an effective business writer, you will need to evaluate your use of clich\u00e9s for their impact versus detraction from your message.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s09\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Emphasize Precise Words<\/h2>\r\nConcrete words that are immediately available to your audience are often more effective than abstract terms that require definitions, examples, and qualifications. All these strategies have their place, but excessive use of abstractions will make your document less than precise, requiring additional clarification that can translate to work for you as the author and, more importantly, for your readers. Qualifiers deserve special mention here. Some instructors may indicate that words like \u201cmay,\u201d \u201cseems,\u201d or \u201capparently\u201d make your writing weak. Words are just words and it is how we use them that creates meaning. Some qualifiers are necessary, particularly if the document serves as record or may be the point of discussion in a legal issue. In other cases direct language is required, and qualifiers must be eliminated. Too many qualifiers can weaken your writing, but too few can expose you to liability. As a business writer, your understanding of audience expectations and assignment requirements will guide you to the judicious use of qualifiers.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s10\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Evaluate Parallel Construction<\/h2>\r\nWhen you are writing in a series or have more than one idea to express, it is important to present them in similar ways to preserve and promote unity across your document. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Parallel construction<\/span><\/span> refers to the use of same grammatical pattern; it can be applied to words, phrases, and sentences. For example, \u201cWe found the seminar interesting, entertaining, and inspiring\u201d is a sentence with parallel construction, whereas \u201cWe found the seminar interesting, entertaining, and it inspired us\u201d is not. If your sentences do not seem to flow well, particularly when you read them out loud, look for misplaced parallels and change them to make the construction truly parallel.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s11\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Obscured Verbs<\/h2>\r\nBusiness writing should be clear and concise. If the meaning is obscured, then revision is required. One common problem is the conversion of verbs into nouns with the addition of suffixes like: -ant,-ent, -ion, -tion, -sion, -ence, -ance, and ing. Instead of hiding meaning within the phrase \u201cthrough the consolidation of,\u201d consider whether to use the verb forms \u201cconsolidated\u201d or \u201cconsolidating.\u201d Similarly, instead of \u201cthe inclusion of,\u201d consider using \u201cincluding,\u201d which will likely make the sentence more active and vigorous.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s12\" class=\"im_section\">\r\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">The \u201cIs It Professional?\u201d Test<\/h2>\r\nFinally, when revising your document with an attention to detail, you simply need to ask the question: is it professional? If a document is too emphatic, it may seem like an attempt at cheerleading. If it uses too much jargon, it may be appropriate for \u201cnerds\u201d but may limit access to the information by a nontechnical audience. If the document appears too simplistic, it may seem to be \u201ctalking down\u201d to the audience, treating the readers more like children than adults. Does your document represent you and your organization in a professional manner? Will you be proud of the work a year from now? Does it accomplish its mission, stated objectives, and the audience\u2019s expectations? Business writing is not expository, wordy, or decorative, and the presence of these traits may obscure meaning. Business writing is professional, respectful, and clearly communicates a message with minimal breakdown.\r\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s12_n01\" class=\"im_key_takeaways im_editable im_block\">\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-success\">\r\n<h3>Key Takeaway<\/h3>\r\n<section>\r\n<div data-type=\"note\">\r\n\r\nRevising for style can increase a document\u2019s clarity, conciseness, and professionalism.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/section><\/div>\r\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\r\n<h3>Exercises<\/h3>\r\n1. Which of the following sentences are examples of good business writing in standard English? For the sentences needing improvement, make revisions as you see fit and explain what was wrong with the original sentence. Discuss your results with your classmates.\r\n<ul>\r\n\t<li>Caitlin likes gardening, golfing, hiking, and to swim.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>At any given point in time, well, there is a possibility that we could, like, be called upon for help.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>The evaluation of writing can be done through the examination and modification of each sentence.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>While in the meeting, the fire alarm rang.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Children benefit from getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and outdoor playtime.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Yee has asked us to maximize the department\u2019s ka-ching by enhancing the bling-bling of our merchandise; if we fail to do this the darn president may put the kibosh on our project.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Ortega\u2019s memo stated in no uncertain terms that all employees need to arrive for work on time every day.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>Although there are many challenges in today\u2019s market and stock values have dropped considerably since last year, but we can hope to benefit from strategic thinking and careful decision making.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>If you are unable to attend the meeting, please let Steve or I know as soon as possible.<\/li>\r\n\t<li>One of the shipping containers are open.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n2.Find an example of a good example of effective business writing, review it, and share it with your classmates.\r\n\r\n3. Find an example of a bad example of effective business writing, review it, and share it with your classmates.\r\n\r\n4. Revision requires attention to detail, and you may be under pressure to produce quality results within a deadline. How do you communicate your need for time for the revision process to those who are waiting on you to complete the document? Share and discuss your responses with your classmates.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-highlight\">\n<h3>LEARNING OBJECTIVE<\/h3>\n<p>By the end of this section, you will be able to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Discuss and demonstrate the use of twelve points to consider for style revisions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"im_section\">\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_n01\" class=\"im_learning_objectives im_editable im_block\">\n<p class=\"im_title\">You know the difference between cloudy and clear water, but can you tell when your writing is cloudy, when meaning is hidden in shadows, when the message you are trying to communicate is obscured by the style you use to present it? Water filtration involves removing particulates, harmful inorganic and organic materials, and clarifying the water. In the same way, the revision process requires filtration. You may come across word choices you thought were appropriate at the time or notice words you thought you wrote but are absent, and the revision process will start to produce results. Some words and sentence constructions will be harmful to the effective delivery and require attention. Some transitions fail to show the connections between thoughts and need to be changed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Another way of conceptualizing the revision process in general and the clarifying process specifically is the common reference to a diamond in the rough. Like muddy water, diamonds do not come to have significant value until they have had their rough edges removed, have received expert polish, and been evaluated for clarity. Your attention to this important process will bring the value quotient of your writing up as it begins to more accurately communicate intended meaning. As we\u2019ve discussed before, now is not the time to lose momentum. Just the opposite, now is the time to make your writing shine.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/299\/2015\/02\/20165655\/buswriting17.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-659 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images-archive-read-only\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/299\/2015\/02\/20165655\/buswriting17-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"diamond in the rough\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Here we will discuss several strategies to help clarify your writing style. If you have made wise word choices, the then next step to clarifying your document is to take it sentence by sentence. Each sentence should stand on its own, but each sentence is also interdependent on all other sentences in your document. These strategies will require significant attention to detail and an awareness of grammar that might not be your area of strength, but the more you practice them the more they will become good habits that will enhance your writing.<\/p>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s01\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Break Up Long Sentences<\/h2>\n<p>By revising long sentences you can often increase the overall clarity of your document. To do this, let\u2019s start off with one strategy that will produce immediate results. Count the number of conjunctions in your document. Word processing programs will often perform a search for a specific a word and for our use, \u201cand\u201d will do just fine. Simple sentences often become compound and complex through the use of the word \u201cand.\u201d The further the subject, the action, and the modifiers or descriptions are from one another is directly related to the complexity of the sentence, increasing the probability of reader error and misunderstandings. Look for the word \u201cand\u201d and evaluate whether the sentence has two complete thoughts or ideas. Does it try to join two dissimilar ideas or ones better off on their own?<\/p>\n<p>In prose, and your expository writing classes, you may have learned that complex sentences can communicate emotions, settings, and scenes that evoke a sense of place and time with your reading audience. In business writing, our goals aim more toward precision and the elimination of error; a good business document won\u2019t read like a college essay. A professor may have advised you to avoid short, choppy writing. Are we asking you to do something along those lines? No. Choppy writing is hard to follow, but simple, clear writing does the job with a minimum of fuss and without decoration.<\/p>\n<p>In their best-selling book <em class=\"im_emphasis\">The Elements of Style<\/em>, William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White<span id=\"mcleanbuseng-fn12_003\" class=\"im_footnote\">\u00a0(1979)\u00a0<\/span>emphasize clarity as a central goal. However, the following is one of their rules: \u201cDo not break sentences in two.\u201d As effective business writers we would agree with this rule, and while it may seem to contradict the preceding paragraph, let\u2019s consider what they mean by that rule. They encourage writers to avoid sentence fragments by refraining from using a period where the sentence needs a comma. That means that an independent clause should be connected to a dependent clause when necessary, and as we\u2019ve discussed previously, a comma and a conjunction are appropriate for the task. The sentence fragment cannot stand alone, so we would agree with the rule as written.<\/p>\n<p>But we would also qualify its use: when you have two long and awkward independent clauses that form an unwieldy sentence, it may indeed be better to divide the clauses into two independent sentences. Your skill as a business writer is required to balance the needs of the sentence to communicate meaning with your understanding of audience expectations, and clarity often involves concise sentences.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s02\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Revise Big Words and Long Phrases<\/h2>\n<p>Big words can clutter your writing with needless jargon that may be a barrier to many readers. Even if you know your audience has significant education and training in a field, you may need to include definitions and examples as effective strategies to communicate meaning. Don\u2019t confuse simple writing with simplistic writing. Your task will almost certainly not require an elementary approach for new readers, but it may very well require attention to words and the degree to which they contribute to, or detract from, the communication of your intended message. Long noun sequences, often used as descriptive phrases, can be one example of how writing can reduce clarity. If you need to describe a noun, use a phrase that modifies the noun clearly, with commas to offset for example, to enhance clarity.<\/p>\n<p>Another long phrase to watch out for is often located in the introduction. Long preambles can make the sentence awkward and will require revision. Sentences that start with \u201cIt is\u201d or \u201cThere are\u201d can often be shortened or made clearer through revision.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s03\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Evaluate Long Prepositional Phrases<\/h2>\n<p>A <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">prepositional phrase<\/span><\/span> is a phrase composed of a preposition (a \u201cwhere\u201d word; a word that indicates location) and its object, which may be a noun, a pronoun, or a clause. Some examples of simple prepositional phrases include \u201cwith Tom,\u201d \u201cbefore me,\u201d and \u201cinside the building security perimeter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Prepositional phrases are necessary\u2014it would be difficult to write without them\u2014but some add to the bottom line word count without adding much to the sentence. Bureaucratic writing often uses this technique in an attempt to make a sentence sound important, but the effort usually has the undesirable dual effects of obscuring meaning and sounding pompous.<\/p>\n<div class=\"im_informaltable im_block\">\n<table cellpadding=\"0\" style=\"border-spacing: 0px;\">\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th>Examples<\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td>The 1040 Form will <em class=\"im_emphasis\">in all certainty<\/em> serve the majority of our customers.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>The 1040 Form will <em class=\"im_emphasis\">certainly<\/em> serve the majority of our customers.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<p>The revision places an adverb in place of a long prepositional phrase and allows for a reduction in the word count while strengthening the sentence.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s04\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Delete Repetitious Words<\/h2>\n<p>Some level of repetition is to be expected and can be beneficial. It is also important to be consistent in your use of words when precise terminology is appropriate. However, needless repetition can make your document less than vigorous and discourage readers. For example, use of the word \u201csaid\u201d when attributing dialogue is acceptable a couple of times, but if it is the only word you use, it will lose its impact quickly. People can \u201cindicate,\u201d \u201cpoint out,\u201d \u201cshare,\u201d and \u201cmention\u201d as easily as they can \u201csay\u201d words or phrases. Synonyms are useful in avoiding the boredom of repetition.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s05\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Eliminate Archaic Expressions or References<\/h2>\n<p>Some writing has been ritualized to the point of clich\u00e9 and has lost its impact. For example, consider \u201cHeretofore, we have discussed the goal of omitting needless words.\u201d <em class=\"im_emphasis\">Heretofore<\/em> is an outdated word that could easily be cut from the previous sentence. Another example is \u201cas per your request for documents that emphasize clarity and reduce reader error.\u201d Feel free to eliminate <em class=\"im_emphasis\">as per your request<\/em> from your word choices.<\/p>\n<p>Similar to outdated words and phrases, some references are equally outdated. While it is important to recognize leaders in a field, and this text does include references to pioneers in the field of communication, it also focuses on current research and concepts. Without additional clarification and examples, readers may not understand references to an author long since passed even though he or she made an important contribution to the field. For example, Shannon and Weaver pioneered the linear model of communication that revolutionized our understanding of interaction and contributed to computer interfaces as we know them today (McLean, 2005).\u00a0However, if we mention them without explaining how their work relates to our current context, we may lose our readers. Similarly, references to films like <em class=\"im_emphasis\">My Fair Lady<\/em> may well be less understood than the use of <em class=\"im_emphasis\">The Princess Diaries<\/em> as an example of the transformative process the lead characters undergo, from rough, street-smart women to formally educated, polished members of the elite.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s06\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Avoid Fillers<\/h2>\n<p>Like, you know, like, you know what I mean, ahh, umm, and all the fillers you may use or hear in oral communication have, well, little or no place in the written representation of the spoken word. Review your writing for extra words that serve the written equivalent of \u201clike\u201d and omit them. They do not serve you as an author, and do not serve the reading audience.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s07\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Eliminate Slang<\/h2>\n<p>Many college professors can give examples of e-mails they have received from students that use all the modern characteristics of instant message and text abbreviation combined with a complete disregard for any norms of grammar or spelling, resulting in nearly incomprehensible messages. If your goal is to be professional, and the audience expectations do not include the use of slang, then it is inappropriate to include it in your document. Eliminate slang as you would a jargon term that serves as a barrier to understanding meaning. Not everyone will understand your slang word no more than they would a highly specialized term, and it will defeat your purpose. Norms for capitalization and punctuation that are routinely abandoned in efficient text messages or tweets are necessary and required in professional documents. Finally, there is no place in reputable business writing for offensive slang or profanity.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s08\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Evaluate Clich\u00e9s<\/h2>\n<p>Clich\u00e9s are words or phrases that through their overuse have lost their impact. That definition does not imply they have lost their meaning, and sometimes a well-placed clich\u00e9 can communicate a message effectively. \u201cActions speak louder than words\u201d is a clich\u00e9, but its five words speak volumes that many of your readers will recognize. This appeal to familiarity can be an effective strategy to communicate, but use it carefully. Excessive reliance on clich\u00e9s will make your writing trite, while eliminating them altogether may not serve you well either. As an effective business writer, you will need to evaluate your use of clich\u00e9s for their impact versus detraction from your message.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s09\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Emphasize Precise Words<\/h2>\n<p>Concrete words that are immediately available to your audience are often more effective than abstract terms that require definitions, examples, and qualifications. All these strategies have their place, but excessive use of abstractions will make your document less than precise, requiring additional clarification that can translate to work for you as the author and, more importantly, for your readers. Qualifiers deserve special mention here. Some instructors may indicate that words like \u201cmay,\u201d \u201cseems,\u201d or \u201capparently\u201d make your writing weak. Words are just words and it is how we use them that creates meaning. Some qualifiers are necessary, particularly if the document serves as record or may be the point of discussion in a legal issue. In other cases direct language is required, and qualifiers must be eliminated. Too many qualifiers can weaken your writing, but too few can expose you to liability. As a business writer, your understanding of audience expectations and assignment requirements will guide you to the judicious use of qualifiers.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s10\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Evaluate Parallel Construction<\/h2>\n<p>When you are writing in a series or have more than one idea to express, it is important to present them in similar ways to preserve and promote unity across your document. <span class=\"im_margin_term\"><span class=\"im_glossterm\">Parallel construction<\/span><\/span> refers to the use of same grammatical pattern; it can be applied to words, phrases, and sentences. For example, \u201cWe found the seminar interesting, entertaining, and inspiring\u201d is a sentence with parallel construction, whereas \u201cWe found the seminar interesting, entertaining, and it inspired us\u201d is not. If your sentences do not seem to flow well, particularly when you read them out loud, look for misplaced parallels and change them to make the construction truly parallel.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s11\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">Obscured Verbs<\/h2>\n<p>Business writing should be clear and concise. If the meaning is obscured, then revision is required. One common problem is the conversion of verbs into nouns with the addition of suffixes like: -ant,-ent, -ion, -tion, -sion, -ence, -ance, and ing. Instead of hiding meaning within the phrase \u201cthrough the consolidation of,\u201d consider whether to use the verb forms \u201cconsolidated\u201d or \u201cconsolidating.\u201d Similarly, instead of \u201cthe inclusion of,\u201d consider using \u201cincluding,\u201d which will likely make the sentence more active and vigorous.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s12\" class=\"im_section\">\n<h2 class=\"im_title im_editable im_block\">The \u201cIs It Professional?\u201d Test<\/h2>\n<p>Finally, when revising your document with an attention to detail, you simply need to ask the question: is it professional? If a document is too emphatic, it may seem like an attempt at cheerleading. If it uses too much jargon, it may be appropriate for \u201cnerds\u201d but may limit access to the information by a nontechnical audience. If the document appears too simplistic, it may seem to be \u201ctalking down\u201d to the audience, treating the readers more like children than adults. Does your document represent you and your organization in a professional manner? Will you be proud of the work a year from now? Does it accomplish its mission, stated objectives, and the audience\u2019s expectations? Business writing is not expository, wordy, or decorative, and the presence of these traits may obscure meaning. Business writing is professional, respectful, and clearly communicates a message with minimal breakdown.<\/p>\n<div id=\"mcleanbuseng-ch12_s03_s12_n01\" class=\"im_key_takeaways im_editable im_block\">\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-success\">\n<h3>Key Takeaway<\/h3>\n<section>\n<div data-type=\"note\">\n<p>Revising for style can increase a document\u2019s clarity, conciseness, and professionalism.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"bcc-box bcc-info\">\n<h3>Exercises<\/h3>\n<p>1. Which of the following sentences are examples of good business writing in standard English? For the sentences needing improvement, make revisions as you see fit and explain what was wrong with the original sentence. Discuss your results with your classmates.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Caitlin likes gardening, golfing, hiking, and to swim.<\/li>\n<li>At any given point in time, well, there is a possibility that we could, like, be called upon for help.<\/li>\n<li>The evaluation of writing can be done through the examination and modification of each sentence.<\/li>\n<li>While in the meeting, the fire alarm rang.<\/li>\n<li>Children benefit from getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and outdoor playtime.<\/li>\n<li>Yee has asked us to maximize the department\u2019s ka-ching by enhancing the bling-bling of our merchandise; if we fail to do this the darn president may put the kibosh on our project.<\/li>\n<li>Ortega\u2019s memo stated in no uncertain terms that all employees need to arrive for work on time every day.<\/li>\n<li>Although there are many challenges in today\u2019s market and stock values have dropped considerably since last year, but we can hope to benefit from strategic thinking and careful decision making.<\/li>\n<li>If you are unable to attend the meeting, please let Steve or I know as soon as possible.<\/li>\n<li>One of the shipping containers are open.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>2.Find an example of a good example of effective business writing, review it, and share it with your classmates.<\/p>\n<p>3. Find an example of a bad example of effective business writing, review it, and share it with your classmates.<\/p>\n<p>4. Revision requires attention to detail, and you may be under pressure to produce quality results within a deadline. How do you communicate your need for time for the revision process to those who are waiting on you to complete the document? Share and discuss your responses with your classmates.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t <section class=\"citations-section\" role=\"contentinfo\">\n\t\t\t <h3>Candela Citations<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t <div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <div id=\"citation-list-107\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <div class=\"licensing\"><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Original<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>Image of diamond on pebbles. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: jdurham. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/mrg.bz\/tjsVdV\">http:\/\/mrg.bz\/tjsVdV<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em>All Rights Reserved<\/em>. <strong>License Terms<\/strong>: Free to remix, commercial use, no attribution required.   http:\/\/www.morguefile.com\/license\/morguefile<\/li><\/ul><div class=\"license-attribution-dropdown-subheading\">CC licensed content, Shared previously<\/div><ul class=\"citation-list\"><li>English for Business Success. <strong>Authored by<\/strong>: Anonymous. <strong>Provided by<\/strong>: Anonymous. <strong>Located at<\/strong>: <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/books\/english-for-business-success\/\">http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/books\/english-for-business-success\/<\/a>. <strong>License<\/strong>: <em><a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"license\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\">CC BY-NC-SA: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike<\/a><\/em><\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t\t <\/section>","protected":false},"author":5,"menu_order":4,"template":"","meta":{"_candela_citation":"[{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"English for Business Success\",\"author\":\"Anonymous\",\"organization\":\"Anonymous\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/2012books.lardbucket.org\/books\/english-for-business-success\/\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"cc-by-nc-sa\",\"license_terms\":\"\"},{\"type\":\"original\",\"description\":\"Image of diamond on pebbles\",\"author\":\"jdurham\",\"organization\":\"\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/mrg.bz\/tjsVdV\",\"project\":\"\",\"license\":\"arr\",\"license_terms\":\"Free to remix, commercial use, no attribution required.   http:\/\/www.morguefile.com\/license\/morguefile\"}]","CANDELA_OUTCOMES_GUID":"","pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-107","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry"],"part":139,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/107","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":661,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/107\/revisions\/661"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/139"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/107\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=107"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=107"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hccc-businesscommunication\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}