{"id":1377,"date":"2018-12-19T06:41:09","date_gmt":"2018-12-19T06:41:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/wm-lifespandevelopment\/?post_type=chapter&p=1377"},"modified":"2021-04-15T17:59:29","modified_gmt":"2021-04-15T17:59:29","slug":"relationships-in-middle-adulthood","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/courses.lumenlearning.com\/suny-hvcc-lifespandevelopment4\/chapter\/relationships-in-middle-adulthood\/","title":{"raw":"Relationships in Middle Adulthood","rendered":"Relationships in Middle Adulthood"},"content":{"raw":"
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\"A<\/a><\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\nThe importance of establishing and maintaining relationships in middle adulthood is now well established in the academic literature\u2014there are now thousands of published articles purporting to demonstrate that social relationships are integral to any and all aspects of subjective well-being and physiological functioning, and these help to inform actual healthcare practices. Studies show an increased risk of dementia, cognitive decline, susceptibility to vascular disease, and increased mortality in those who feel isolated and alone. However, loneliness is not confined to people living a solitary existence. It can also refer to those who endure a perceived discrepancy in the socio-emotional benefits of interactions with others, either in number or nature. One may have an expansive social network and still feel a dearth of emotional satisfaction in one's own life.\r\n\r\nSocioemotional selectivity theory (SST) predicts a quantitative decrease in the number of social interactions in favor of those bringing greater emotional fulfillment. Over the past thirty years, or more, there have been significant social changes which have, in turn, had a large effect on human bonding. These have affected the way we manage our emotional interactions, and the manner in which society views, shapes and supports that emotional regulation. Government policy has also changed, and had a profound influence, on how families are shaped, reshaped, and operate as social and economic agents.\r\n

Relationships and Family Life in Middle Adulthood<\/h2>\r\n

Intimate Relationships<\/h3>\r\nIt makes sense to consider the various types of relationships in our lives when trying to determine just how relationships impact our well-being. For example, would you expect a person to derive the same happiness from an ex-spouse as from a child or coworker? Among the most important relationships for most people is their long-time romantic partner. Most researchers begin their investigation of this topic by focusing on intimate relationships because they are the closest form of social bond. Intimacy is more than just physical in nature; it also entails psychological closeness. Research findings suggest that having a single\u00a0confidante\u2014a person with whom you can be authentic and trust not to exploit your secrets and vulnerabilities\u2014is more important to happiness than having a large social network (Taylor, 2010).<\/span>\r\n\r\nAnother important aspect of relationships is the distinction between formal and informal. Formal relationships are those that are bound by the rules of politeness. In most cultures, for instance, young people treat older people with formal respect, avoiding profanity and slang when interacting with them. Similarly, workplace relationships tend to be more formal, as do relationships with new acquaintances. Formal connections are generally less relaxed because they require a bit more work, demanding that we exert more self-control. Contrast these connections with informal relationships\u2014friends, lovers, siblings, or others with whom you can relax. We can express our true feelings and opinions in these informal relationships, using the language that comes most naturally to us, and generally be more authentic. Because of this, it makes sense that more intimate relationships\u2014those that are more comfortable and in which you can be more vulnerable\u2014might be the most likely to translate to happiness.<\/span>\r\n

Marriage and Happiness<\/h3>\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_904\" align=\"alignright\" width=\"432\"]\"Happy Figure 1<\/strong>. Relationships that allow us to be our authentic self bring the most happiness.[\/caption]\r\n\r\nOne of the most common ways that researchers often begin to investigate intimacy is by looking at marital status. The well-being of married people is compared to that of people who are single or have never been married. In other research, married people are compared to people who are divorced or widowed (Lucas & Dyrenforth, 2005). Researchers have found that the transition from singlehood to marriage brings about an increase in subjective well-being (Haring-Hidore, Stock, Okun, & Witter, 1985;\u00a0Lucas, 2005;\u00a0Williams, 2003). In fact, this finding is one of the strongest in social science research on personal relationships over the past quarter of a century. <\/span>\r\n\r\n As is usually the case, the situation is more complex than might initially appear. As a marriage progresses, there is some evidence for regression to a hedonic set-point\u2014<\/strong>that is, most individuals have a set happiness point or level, and that both good and bad life events - marriage, bereavement, unemployment, births, and so on - have some effect for a period of time, but over many months, they will return to that set-point. One of the best studies in this area is that of Luhmann et al (2012), who report a gradual decline in subjective well-being after a few years, especially in the component of affective well-being. A<\/span>dverse events obviously have an effect on subjective well-being and happiness, and these effects can be stronger than the positive effects of being married in some cases (Lucas, 2005).<\/span>\r\n\r\nAlthough research frequently points to marriage being associated with higher rates of happiness, this does not guarantee that getting married will make you happy! The quality of one\u2019s marriage matters greatly. When a person remains in a problematic marriage, it takes an emotional toll. Indeed, a large body of research shows that people\u2019s overall life satisfaction is affected by their satisfaction with their marriage (Carr, Freedman, Cornman, Schwarz, 2014;\u00a0Dush, Taylor, & Kroeger, 2008;\u00a0Karney, 2001;\u00a0Luhmann, Hofmann, Eid, & Lucas, 2012;\u00a0Proulx, Helms, & Buehler, 2007). The lower a person\u2019s self-reported level of marital quality, the more likely he or she is to report depression (Bookwala, 2012). In fact, longitudinal studies\u2014those that follow the same people over a period of time\u2014show that as marital quality declines, depressive symptoms increase (Fincham, Beach, Harold, & Osborne, 1997;\u00a0Karney, 2001). Proulx and colleagues (2007) arrived at this same conclusion after a systematic review of 66 cross-sectional and 27 longitudinal studies.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nMarital satisfaction has peaks and valleys during the course of the life cycle. Rates of happiness are highest in the years prior to the birth of the first child. It hits a low point with the coming of children. Relationships typically become more traditional and there are more financial hardships and stress in living. Children bring new expectations to the marital relationship.\u00a0Two people who are comfortable with their roles as partners may find the added parental duties and expectations more challenging to meet.\u00a0Some\u00a0couples elect not to have children in order to have more time and resources for the marriage.\u00a0These\u00a0child-free\u00a0couples are happy keeping their time and attention on their partners, careers, and interests.\r\n\r\nWhat is it about bad marriages, or bad relationships in general, that takes such a toll on well-being? Research has pointed to conflict between partners as a major factor leading to lower subjective well-being (Gere & Schimmack, 2011). This makes sense. Negative relationships are linked to ineffective social support (Reblin, Uchino, & Smith, 2010) and are a source of stress (Holt-Lunstad, Uchino, Smith, & Hicks, 2007). In more extreme cases, physical and psychological abuse can be detrimental to well-being (Follingstad, Rutledge, Berg, Hause, & Polek, 1990). Victims of abuse sometimes feel shame, lose their sense of self, and become less happy and prone to depression and anxiety (Arias & Pape, 1999). However, the unhappiness and dissatisfaction that occur in abusive relationships tend to dissipate once the relationships end. (Arriaga, Capezza,\u00a0Goodfriend,\u00a0Rayl & Sands, 2013).<\/span>\r\n
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Typology of Marriage<\/h3>\r\nOne way marriages vary is with regard to the reason the partners are married. Some marriages have\u00a0intrinsic\u00a0value: the partners are together because they enjoy, love and value one another. Marriage is not thought of as a means to another end, instead, it is regarded as an end in itself. These partners look for someone they are drawn to, and with whom they feel a close and intense relationship. Other marriages called\u00a0utilitarian\u00a0marriages are unions entered into primarily for practical reasons. For example, marriage brings financial security, children, social approval, housekeeping, political favor, a good car, a great house, and so on.\r\n\r\nThere have been a few attempts to establish a typological framework for marriages. The best-known is that of Olson (1993), who referred to five typical kinds of marriage. Using a sample of 6,267 couples, Olson & Fowers (1993) identified eleven relationship domains that covered both areas related to relationship satisfaction, and the more functional areas related to marriage. So, five of the eleven included areas such as marital satisfaction, communication, and, things like financial management, parenting, and egalitarian roles. Using these eleven areas they came up with five kinds of marriage. One aspect of this early study is the link between marital satisfaction and income\/college education<\/strong>. The link between these factors is now commonplace in the literature. Olson & Fowers (1993) were one of the first studies to point to this link. The less well-off are more prone to divorce, as are those with less college-level education. Income and college education are of course linked, and there is now increasing concern that marital dissolution and broader patterns of social inequality are now inextricably linked.\r\n