The Nature of Stress

Although the basic concepts associated with stress are generally the same for all human beings, when working with children, we need to keep in mind that the stressors experienced by children may be quite different than those experienced by adults. We also need to remember that how we, as adults, cope with stressful events serves as role modeling for children.  Taking care of children can be very stressful and it benefits everyone for adults to practice self-care and healthy coping as much as possible.

There are different types of stress. 

Distress is the negative stress that most people think of when they think of stress.

Eustress is generally positive stress that may involve personal growth and can improve health.  Things such as planning a party or completing a big project involve eustress. 

Acute stress is intense and lasts for a short time.  In contrast, chronic stress continues over time and causes damage to the body.  Traumatic stress is often a result of experiencing traumatic events and can lead to PTSD.

The fight/flight response is believed to have evolved for the purpose of physical survival of the species.  Today, though physical threats still exist, they are not as common as in the days of primitive people. However, many individuals respond to non-life threatening situations in ways that evoke a stress response that can negatively impact health.

True or False? The goal in life is to eliminate stress.

Understanding the Yerkes-Dodson Principle illustrated below should help answer that question. This theory of arousal states that performance is improved when there is some sort of arousal (stress), but if there is too much stress, performance decreases.

Yerkes-Dodson principle

The answer to the above question is false. The goal in life is not to eliminate stress, but to manage it.  We need some stress in order to get out of bed in the morning.  Too little stress or too much are not good.  It is important to realize that if we did not have some stress our performance would suffer greatly.  The negative aspects of too much stress also negatively impact performance. 

Our Stress Levels are Directly Linked with Our Perceptions

How a situation is viewed or perceived can have a significant impact on the outcome. Amazingly, two people can experience the exact same thing and have very difference responses.  This tells us that how we perceive or appraise things in our mind significantly influences our stress levels.  For example, two people who attended the same party sent a message to their relative who was unable to attend.  One person noted how nice the food was and all the positive things about the venue.  The second person wrote about how the party started late, and a number of criticisms of the location.  This was the same exact event, with two completely different perspectives.

Our brains perceive things in different ways.  One person may spend their day getting “stressed out” over the toothpaste falling off their toothbrush, being unable to find their phone, etc., while others would not.  The way that we respond to small daily stressors often mirrors how we respond to larger stressors and losses in life.

Children often perceive situations and respond to stress very differently than adults.  Most kids would probably not come to an adult and state that they are experiencing stress and need some help with coping.  They are likely going to act out and behave in challenging ways in order to deal with stress.

It is important for adults to be aware that children are not born knowing healthy ways to cope with stress.  They need good role modeling and strategies for dealing with their stress.

Coping With Stress

Everyone—adults, teens, and even children—experiences stress at times. Stress can be beneficial. It can help people develop the skills they need to deal with possible threatening situations throughout life. Stress is not helpful when it prevents a person from taking care of themselves or their family.

Stress is a reaction to a situation where a person feels threatened or anxious. Stress can be positive (e.g., preparing for a party) or negative (e.g., dealing with a natural disaster).  The symptoms may be physical or emotional.

After a traumatic event that is very frightening, people may have strong and lingering reactions. These events may include personal or environmental disasters, or threats with an assault. These strong emotions, may be normal and temporary.

Common reactions to a stressful event can include:

• Disbelief, shock, and numbness
• Feeling sad, frustrated, and helpless
• Fear and anxiety about the future
• Feeling guilty
• Anger, tension, and irritability
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
• Crying
• Reduced interest in usual activities
• Wanting to be alone
• Loss of appetite
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Nightmares or bad memories
• Reoccurring thoughts of the event
• Headaches, back pains, and stomach problems
• Increased heart rate, difficulty breathing
• Smoking or use of alcohol or drugs

Healthy Ways to Cope with Stress

Feeling emotional and nervous or having trouble sleeping and eating can all be normal reactions to stress. Here are some healthy ways you can deal with stress:

• Take care of yourself.
  • Eat healthy, well-balanced meals
  • Exercise on a regular basis
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Give yourself a break if you feel stressed out
• Talk to others. Share your problems and how you are feeling and coping with a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, or pastor.
• Avoid drugs and alcohol. These may seem to help with the stress. But in the long run, they create additional problems and increase the stress you are already feeling.
• Take a break. If news events are causing your stress, take a break from listening or watching the news.

Recognize when you need more help. If problems continue or you are thinking about suicide, talk to a psychologist, social worker, or professional counselor.

If you or someone you know needs immediate help, please contact the one of the following crisis hotlines:

• Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-888-628-9454 for Spanish-speaking callers)
• Youth Mental Health Line: 1-888-568-1112
• Child-Help USA: 1-800-422-4453 (24 hour toll free) Coping With Stress

Helping Youth Cope with Stress

Children and adolescents often struggle with how to cope well with stress. Youth can be particularly overwhelmed when their stress is connected to a traumatic event—like a natural disaster (earthquakes, tornados, wildfires), family loss, school shootings, or community violence. Parents and educators can take steps to provide stability and support that help young people feel better.

Tips for Parents and Caregivers

It is natural for children to worry, especially when scary or stressful events happen in their lives. Talk to children about these events. This can help put frightening information into a more balanced setting. Monitor what children see and hear about stressful events happening in their lives. Here are some suggestions to help children cope:

• Maintain a normal routine. Helping children wake up, go to sleep, and eat meals at regular times provide them a sense of stability. Going to school and participating in typical after-school activities also provide stability and extra support.
• Talk, listen, and encourage expression. Create opportunities to have your children talk, but do not force them. Listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings and share some of yours. After a traumatic event, it is important for children to feel they can share their feelings and that you understand their fears and worries. Keep having these conversations. Ask them regularly how they feel in a week, in a month, and so on.
• Watch and listen. Be alert for any change in behavior. Are children sleeping more or less? Are they withdrawing from friends or family? Are they behaving in any way out of the ordinary? Any changes in behavior, even small ones, may be signs that your child is having trouble and may need support.
• Reassure. Stressful events can challenge a child’s sense of physical and emotional safety and security. Take opportunities to reassure your child about his or her safety and well-being. Discuss ways that you, the school, and the community are taking steps to keep them safe.
• Connect with others. Make an on-going effort to talk to other parents and your child’s teachers about ways to help your child cope. It is often helpful for parents, schools, and health professionals to work together for the well-being of all children in stressful times.

*Take Time Out – If you are a parent or guardian of a child, it is very beneficial to create a support system.  Even if you do not have family nearby, there are others in the community who may be able to assist or take turns with childcare to give much needed breaks on occasion.  It can take some looking, but there are also activities that are planned in a number of communities that offer free childcare or the opportunity to drop off your child for a free or low-cost session.  Check with your local community center or local library to start.

Tips for Kids and Teens

After a traumatic or violent event, it is normal to feel anxious about your safety and security. Even if you were not directly involved, you may worry about whether this type of event may someday affect you. How can you deal with these fears? Start by looking at the tips below for some ideas.

• Talk to and stay connected to others. This might be:
  • Parents
  • Relatives
  • Friends
  • Neighbors
  • Teachers
  • Coach
  • School nurse
  • Counselor
  • Family doctor
  • Member of your church or temple.

Talking with someone can help you make sense out of your experience and figure out ways to feel better. If you are not sure where to turn, call your local crisis intervention center or a national hotline.

• Get active. Go for a walk, play sports, write a play or poem, play a musical instrument, or join an after-school program. Volunteer with a community group that promotes nonviolence or another school or community activity that you care about. These can be positive ways to handle your feelings and to see that things are going to get better.
• Take care of yourself. Try to get plenty of sleep, eat right, exercise, and keep a normal routine. By keeping yourself healthy, you will be better able to handle a tough time.
• Take information breaks. Pictures and stories about a disaster can increase worry and other stressful feelings. Taking breaks from the news, Internet, and conversations about the disaster can help calm you down.

Tips for School Personnel

Kids and teens experiencing a stressful event, or see it on television, may react with shock, sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. They may be reluctant to be alone or fearful of leaving safe areas such as the house or classroom. School personnel can help their students restore their sense of safety by talking with the children about their fears. Other tips for school personnel include:

• Reach out and talk. Create opportunities to have students talk, but do not force them. Try asking questions like, what do you think about these events, or how do you think these things happen? You can be a model by sharing some of your own thoughts as well as correct misinformation. When children talk about their feelings, it can help them cope and to know that different feelings are normal.
• Watch and listen. Be alert for any change in behavior. Are students talking more or less? Withdrawing from friends? Acting out? Are they behaving in any way out of the ordinary? These changes may be early warning signs that a student is struggling and needs extra support from the school and family.
• Maintain normal routines. . A regular classroom and school schedule can provide reassurance and promote a sense of stability and safety. Encourage students to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but do not push them if they seem overwhelmed.
• Take care of yourself. You are better able to support your students if you are healthy, coping and taking care of yourself first.
  • Eat healthy, well-balanced meals
  • Exercise on a regular basis
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Give yourself a break if you feel stressed out