Example

Problem: Mary appeared at the committee meeting last week. And made a convincing presentation of her ideas about the new product.

Revision: Mary appeared at the committee meeting last week and made a convincing presentation of her ideas about the new product.

Example

Problem: The committee considered her ideas for a new marketing strategy quite powerful. The best ideas that they had heard in years.

Revision: The committee considered her ideas for a new marketing strategy quite powerful, the best ideas that they had heard in years.

Example

Problem: The research team has completely reorganized the workload. Making sure that members work in areas of their own expertise and that no member is assigned proportionately too much work.

Revision: The research team has completely reorganized the workload. They made sure that members work in areas of their own expertise and that no member is assigned proportionately too much work.

Alternate revision: The research team has completely reorganized the workload to make sure that members work in areas of their own expertise and that no member is assigned proportionately too much work.

Example

Problem: She spent a full month evaluating his computer-based instructional materials. Which she eventually sent to her supervisor with the strongest of recommendations.

Revision: She spent a full month evaluating his computer-based instructional materials. Eventually, she sent the evaluation to her supervisor with the strongest of recommendations.

Alternate revision: She spent a full month evaluating his computer-based instructional materials, which she eventually sent to her supervisor with the strongest of recommendations.

Examples

Problem: The corporation wants to begin a new marketing push in educational software. Although the more conservative executives of the firm are skeptical.

Revision: Although the more conservative executives of the firm are skeptical, the corporation wants to begin a new marketing push in educational software.